Another Straw

There are a million examples out there of how wonderful America is. Unfortunately, these days, there seem to be two million that make us wonder if life as a Canadian is doable. This article is yet another one. It is biased...I saw that and didn't care...but it is also well-written and touching. It made me so angry, so ashamed that it took me weeks to finish it. There would be 45-minute subway rides that I spent staring at the ads rather than read more of it. I'm glad I finally did, even if the Iraqis profiled in the article love this country more than I do right now.

Where Was I?

So I get home late from seeing a great show at Joe's Pub. I dejectedly turn on the TV, knowing I've got...maybe...15 channels to choose from. I flipped through them and came across this movie. I have no recollection of this film and apparently everyone is in it: Dermot Mulroney, Rick Schroder, Noah Wyle, Kelli Williams. It's cheesy and melodramatic and packs every possible 60s reference into it to add authenticity.

Does anyone remember this flick?

Visual DNA

I found this on one of my favorite blogs. I dig this blog because the author is living a life that is absolutely the opposite of mine...and she does it with a wicked sense of humor.

Get your own VisualDNA™

Check it out your Visual DNA!

These are the moments...

...when I miss cable. This is the first weekend I'm living without cable and I have to say, network TV sucks on the weekend. It's forcing me to get off my couch and actually run errands.

In other news, I had a long conversation with my mom this morning and she doesn't want me to travel to Atlanta. There isn't going to be a burial or a viewing or even a wake. There will a small, short Catholic Mass, and that's it. There is already some drama regarding the times of my proposed flight and she is afraid it will be on top of some other family drama brewing. She just wants to get in and get out without incident. My mom thinks that she will probably create her own memorial service for my aunt when she gets back, and I'll attend that.

My family is so strange...but I'm sure everyone believes that about their family.

The Decision

So, as I alluded to in a previous post, I have decided to attend Harvard. I told them online...they allow you to reply online now. Crazy!

But the real big decision is that TM and I are moving to greater Cambridge metropolitan area together. He's going to pursue his passion...not for me to say...as I pursue mine. We're talking about neighborhoods we can afford and should we buy a car and how much space we need and how will we make sure the chores are done fairly. We're also having very difficult...for me...conversations about money and budgets. It's bizarre to be discussing these things with him, but only in that it feels so natural to be discussing these things. I think we are realizing that we're about to begin the rest of our lives. That idea is thrilling and terrifying simultaneously.

I do have to say I'm looking forward to leaving New York. Eight years is a long time to stay in a city I thought I would never live in. I will miss my friends and the restaurants and the ability to walk everywhere. But I have a million and one memories from this place to keep me warm. And honestly, I'm done...I've had my fill.

There Are No Humans Left

My aunt died last night. She died of cancer of the lymph nodes. We knew it was going to happen because she had decided to stop treatment. She first got diagnosed with Hodgkin's about five years ago. She beat it...with the help of a stem cell transplant!...but it came back. She did a couple of rounds of chemo, but she made it clear that if those rounds didn't make a significant dent, she wasn't going to fight it.

They didn't make a dent.

We just didn't expect it to happen so fast. It was only about three months ago when she told us the cancer was back and only six weeks from when she made the decision to stop fighting. Of course, my aunt is was famous for being extremely private about information that you would think her family would want to know, so we will never know how far the cancer progressed before she decided to tell her sister and brother. No one except her husband knew she had cancer the first time until it was in remission for a year.

I wasn't close to my aunt. I had issues with some of the choices she made regarding our family. My mom says the reason is we were like oil and water was because we were so alike. I don't doubt it. Regardless, she was my mom's only sister, and with her death my uncle is the only one left of those my mom grew up with. My mom is only in her early 50s. My aunt was only in her mid-60s.

So my mom and I are in the process of trying to get down to Atlanta to attend the memorial service. I do the usual web search for cheap flights....yeah, not so cheap. Then I look into bereavement fares. I call US Airways, wait for 20 minutes to speak to a real person, just to be told that they no longer "do" bereavement fares. I was in shock! They make no accommodations for people who have to travel to bury their family. Feel free to write them angry emails. I then go to Delta's website and they say they have "no need" for bereavement fares because they have some special deal where last minute flights are already very cheap. The thing is...they're not. Not at all.

Luckily, my financial life is strong enough that I can pay for a flight without using my credit card, but the fact that these airlines don't even make a nominal gesture for those grieving is outrageous. I could barely stand to hear them cry poor to begin with...now I really have no patience for that crap.

Human beings may be overpopulating the Earth, but humanity is dying fast.

On another note, I realized this morning that three members of my mom's family have died of cancer. That side of the family isn't that big. And yet, when I see all the commercials and stories about cancer, I never take them personally. Perhaps because I don't think they are talking to me. I'm realizing perhaps I have the impression that cancer...at least the cancer they talk about in movies-of-the-week...is a white disease. The black community doesn't die of cancer in the media. It dies of...gunshot wounds, drug overdoses. Or it lives to a ripe old age to give words of wisdom to "lost souls," usually white lost souls.

But cancer is a big part of my family history. Hmmm...I gotta think about this some more.

The Tally

So I've heard from all the schools I applied to. My record is 3 for 4. Not too shabby! Except that it's really 2.5 for 4. Let me explain:

I applied to Harvard, Teachers College (Columbia), George Washington, and University of Pennsylvania. I got into Harvard, GW and TC. But the thing is, TC thought my doctoral application was only good enough for a masters. When I read the acceptance letter I thought, "F*ck You!"

So that's why I feel I only halfway got into TC. Regardless of acceptances, no other school even came close to the financial package that Harvard delivered. I guess the universe is pointing me in the direction I need to go.

I went to a Harvard reception for admitted students tonight and met an alumnus who is doing exactly what I want to do when I graduate. That made me so happy!

He also had good feedback for TM, but I don't want to go into yet...you know my thing about jinxing events by saying them out loud.

Oddly Weirded Out

I made a serious decision today. No, not about grad school...more on that later. I downgraded my cable. Now all I have is basic: the first 13 channels on the dial. I made the call at work because I knew the only way I would go through with it was if I wasn't near the TV. I'm just now realizing all the channels I've lost: Comedy Central, TBS, TNT...and most sadly, Turner Classic Movies. I am glad, though. I'm going to save around $40 a month, which is money that can go toward my new laptop...my new life. I may balance it out by resubscribing to Netflix, which will still save me money.

The thing is, I feel naked. I'm afraid of all I'll miss...even though I just used cable to watch old movies and "Law and Order" reruns on TNT. I didn't even watch "The Daily Show" religiously. The shows that I am attached to are on network TV anyway. But I still feel strange. I hope I'll get used to it...not being able to flip channels will definitely free up my evenings.

The Visit

Sorry this post took so long...I was so tired this week! Last weekend was lots of fun, informative, interesting...and tiring! I can't believe all the things we did in just two days.

To bring everyone up to date: TM's parents, Roscoe and Mickey...not their real names, came into town last weekend. I was pretty much a nervous wreck the week leading up to their visit and I didn't get much sleep the night before they arrived. But I cleaned well enough so that I felt no anxiety having them stay in my house.

Roscoe is a quiet, yet intense, man. He is very singular of purpose and slightly impatient. This has served him well as an entrepreneur, but it makes it difficult sometimes to interact with him on a personal level. When he wants to tell you something, that is what he will do...regardless of whether or not you already know the information or care to know. He also has very expressive, child-like eyes, so watching his face is really entertaining. He did a wonderful job of making me feel part of the conversation, however, even when the three of them were talking about people and places I had never seen.

Mickey is a sweet woman who has a inner strength it would behoove you not to discount. She reminds me of my S'mom in that she often said things that totally surprised you for their forthrightness and power. I totally dug that. She is also caring without being overbearing. On Sunday night, when I was so tired I was on the verge of tears and could not keep up with the group, she very subtly slowed down her pace so that she was walking beside me. That was nice.

Okay, so this is all that we did in two days:

• saw the Broadway show, Company.
• ate at Lombardi's Pizzeria...so good!
  
• walked through Little Italy, Chinatown and SoHo
• went to Rockefeller Center
• saw St. Patrick's Cathedral
• saw another church on Fifth Ave.
• walked through Central Park
• went to the Met
• shopped at DSW
• ate in Park Slope
• saw a show at Barbes

Now can you understand why I was so tired last Sunday...and all this week?

All in all, it was a good time and I'm glad I met them. I have received the "seal of approval" from them both, which feels good...though since my family doesn't work that way at all, the import of it is a bit lost on me. When I meet the whole clan in July, I will probably feel it then.

Another positive result of the visit is that I feel a lot closer to TM. I can't really explain it, but TM said that he felt it as well. He said that he felt it when he met one of my sets of parents last month, too. It's an intense feeling, but very cool.

Okay, now I begin another weekend: this Sunday, I'm hosting the bridal shower and have to do all the cooking. I need a vacation from my weekends!

Is It Just Me...

...or is Daylight Savings Time messing with lots of people? I'm feeling very tired quite often. It's much better than it was at the beginning of the week, but I'm still not 100%.

Congress can't just mess with people's internal clocks like this!

I Think I'm Ready to Convert

It all started with an ad...doesn't it always? Now that I'm heading to grad school, I've been thinking I want a new laptop. The one I have now is four years old and I really don't want to be afraid of the moment my computer decides to die in the middle of my research.

So I saw the "Security" Apple ad and it affected me. I am a PC girl and knew I wanted the most up-to-date version of hardware and software, but was Vista really that prohibitive?

Then, yesterday, I saw a black Mac book up close. It's so pretty! All rounded edges and big, separated keys. Arial font looked so nice and soft on the screen. It was then I decided.

I know tuckergurl will laugh when she reads this, but...I think the next computer I buy will be an Mac. Now I just have to rework my budget to pay for it.

Why I'm Glad I Don't Have Kids Yet

No, no...some rambunctious brat didn't annoy me on the subway. The reason I'm glad is because I was able to read this article about the dangers of overpraising your children in New York magazine and actually listen to what it had to say. It was an article that both TM...shorthand for The Mormon until I come up with a new name...and I had wanted to read, but I just got around to it today. The information presented was so startling, I felt my heart race. The results of the studies cited blew my mind! Bronson did a brilliant job at getting to the roots of why parents overpraise, or even falsely praise:

Truth be told, while my son was getting along fine under the new praise regime, it was I who was suffering. It turns out that I was the real praise junkie in the family. Praising him for just a particular skill or task felt like I left other parts of him ignored and unappreciated. I recognized that praising him with the universal “You’re great—I’m proud of you” was a way I expressed unconditional love.

Offering praise has become a sort of panacea for the anxieties of modern parenting. Out of our children’s lives from breakfast to dinner, we turn it up a notch when we get home. In those few hours together, we want them to hear the things we can’t say during the day—We are in your corner, we are here for you, we believe in you.

In a similar way, we put our children in high-pressure environments, seeking out the best schools we can find, then we use the constant praise to soften the intensity of those environments. We expect so much of them, but we hide our expectations behind constant glowing praise. The duplicity became glaring to me.

This idea is my favorite part of the article: praise is just as much, if not more, about the parent as it is about the kid.

I never thought about it before...and I won't think too much on it now...but I wonder if I suffered from what the article suggests. I grew up being told I was very smart. To this day, my sisters and I are differentiated by how good grades come to us. For me, they just seem to happen; for my sister, she studied extremely hard.

But I remember freaking OUT when I got anything below an "A-"...on anything. In my "advanced" fifth grade class, I cheated repeatedly. I remember not wanting to cheat, but feeling like I had no choice. In fifth grade, come on! I actually got caught once and ended up getting a "D" in science. The only reason I didn't fail was because I had been getting "A" in all my assignments up until that point.

I wonder if the notion of being afraid of failure has affected the choices I've made in my life. I always wanted to run a theatre company...am I not doing it because I failed at my first attempts?

Huh...

Anyway...I am really glad I don't have kids because I can read this article with an impartial eye. The writer interviewed a parent who instantly rejected scientific studies because her version of praise was working for her. I'm glad I'm not in a situation where I instantly discount the article because it rattles my cages. In fact, I am paying the article more attention because it rattles my cages. It's going into my mental parenting file cabinet.

Intellectually Elite

That's how I felt this morning. Last night, my WNYC messenger bag arrived in the mail. It was a Thank You Gift for giving them money. It's actually a pretty cool bag. It's comfortable, durable, and has the perfect number of pockets...not too many so that it takes 20 minutes to find your keys, but not too few so that everything is in a jumble at the bottom of the bag.

This morning I transferred everything into it...of course, including my iPod and the most recent New Yorker. So on the train, I had proof that I listen to public radio while I read the literary gold standard of magazines and listened to The Gotan Project. I felt very shi-shi...hilarious!

Anyway, I was reading a short story by Steven Millhauser about a married, middle-class man who takes a vow of silence because words become too oppressive. At first I thought it was boring, but it sucked me in. It made me think of an experience I've had recently.

As the maid of honor, I'm hosting my friend's bridal shower. I made it clear that only the person to whom the invitation was addressed was invited. The shower is in my house and the invite list was already more than 40 people. I received an email from one of the invited stating that she couldn't make it because she couldn't get a babysitter for her two daughters. She went on to explain how all the family members she usually relies on had made other plans. She wanted me to tell my friend that she was so sorry she wouldn't be there. I thanked her for letting me know and asking her who her mother was so I could update my RSVP list. I got a two-word reply with just the name. No floral sentences, not even a salutation. Later that day, I realized that she was passive-aggressively trying to get me to invite her daughters. She made a point of telling me that they were both girls...it's a female-only shower...and told me the specific details of her plight. She didn't say she couldn't get a babysitter...she just couldn't get a free babysitter. Once I realized her curt reply was because I didn't take the bait, I laughed. Passive aggression is funny sometimes.

In other news, I found out yesterday that the decision from George Washington is in the mail. I don't think I will respond the way I did for Harvard, but I am surprisingly nervous.

However, not as nervous as I am by The Mormon's parents coming to visit this weekend! It was a spur of the moment decision...a use-your-miles-or-lose-them kind of thing. I wasn't supposed to meet them until July! I know it will be fine and it will be fun, but this is making me nervous. I really want them to like me!

The Real Advantage

I must say, being offered the opportunity to become Dr. L Britt by Harvard is pretty f*cking cool. But the best thing about this whole thing is that I get to leave my job!

My workplace is an animal circus. Luckily, it's not insane because people don't care...in fact, it is the opposite...they care too much. However, there are several people who cannot do the jobs they have been charged with. I'm one of the youngest people here, and I am often scolding, leading, and advising people twice my age. It's very bizarre.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to dealing with a different group of crazy people: grad students!