So Unmotivated

I'm in that phase when I've worked really hard for a long time and accomplished one major component of my work. What happens in this phase is that I get really lazy...like sleep 10 hours a day lazy. Like spend hours on my computer and only have the discovery of a funny YouTube animator to show for it lazy. Like knowing all the plot lines of "All My Children" lazy.

To some, this break seems well deserved. You spend days staying up very late and not eating well and of course you are going to crash when it's all over. However, to others...namely me...what I am doing is postponing other work. Because of course there is other work. Work that is major and a component as well. Postponing this work means I end up creating the same conditions that caused me to exhaust myself in the first place. A vicious cycle I tell you. VICIOUS!

This week I have a bit of an out. I just spent 48 hours with an EEG attached to my head. Goodness gracious, that took a lot out of me. But the electrodes are gone, my hair is clean. And now it's time to buckle down. I gotta get out of Harvard...I feel like my life has stopped and won't move forward until I graduate. That's for another post.

Here's to a kick in the pants!

I Don't Know How to Help Him

I have so many papers to grade, but I'm so tired I can't even think about helping students write better...which is ironic because I'm very upset I can't help someone I care about more than anything.

My guy is going through some serious problems at work. This doesn't bode well...first financial woes, now this. Part of me is thinking...what have I gotten myself into? But most of me wants to make it better I just don't know how. As far as I can figure, there are several factors at play.

1. I know nothing about his field. I have no connections to anyone who might be able to offer him another position.
2. He is a fiercely proud man. I think he'd be open to an opportunity I presented, but he'd be sensitive about me talking about his woes to someone else. Thank goodness he has no access to this blog.
3. His relationship to work is so very different than mine. He really enjoys what he does, but he is not passionate about it. He works to live, not lives to work. I'm used to dealing with people who have that type of relationship to their jobs. I'm surrounded by people who are getting doctorate degrees to further their careers, for goodness' sake!
4. He's been having a lot of trouble at his current job...a dictatorial boss, reduced responsibilities. I asked if there could possibly be any justification for his treatment; he always explains it away. He's not a man to shirk his responsibility for his mistakes, but honestly, I have the hardest time believing that he has not done anything to bring this about. I have worked in extremely toxic places, but I can't wrap my brain around this. I wish he would be completely honest with me, but I'm not sure he's being completely honest with himself.

It breaks my heart to hear such defeat in his voice. He told me that he almost up and quit today...I know the only reason he didn't was because of me. That he wanted to be responsible. Which I appreciate so much. But I don't want him to be unhappy because of me.

I just don't know what to do. Especially if what I should do is let him do it.

Things Are Happening

I didn't realized how long it's been since I've posted anything at all on the site. Plenty of stuff has been happening to me, but I've been busy deciding if I wanted to blog about it. I've decided some things I will talk about, one thing I won't.

First off, I've lost 4 pounds in the last three weeks with Weight Watchers. I wasn't overweight by any stretch of the imagination, but my body mass index was at the maximum for my height. Obesity runs in my family and I didn't want to rest on my laurels, so to speak. Just because I'm not obese doesn't mean that I'm fine. So I decided to get help getting disciplined about what I eat. It's amazing how hard it is to stay conscious about food...it's very, very hard. Half the time I want to eat something really bad out of defiance. Until I realize I'd only be cutting off my nose to spite my face. I wish I was losing more faster, but four pounds is nothing to sneeze at. One pound is the weight of four sticks of butter! So I've shed 16 sticks of butter in three weeks.

Secondly, I just finished watching the entire first season of "Mad Men" on On Demand. Damn, that show is good. I watched it marathon-style in the day before July 4th and today. Every time I see Jon Hamm, I melt a little inside. That man is fine inside and out. I can't wait for the Season 2 opener at the end of July.

Thirdly, I hosted a great July 4th BBQ at the place where I'm house sitting this summer. It was an intimate gathering and it was great. Lots of good food, good drinking, and good conversation.

Fourth, I actually have a lot of work to do. I wanted to take it easy on with regards to "resume-building" work, but alas, I've gotten some great gigs. It requires a great deal of discipline, but it's good practice for me.

Fifth, I ran a race a couple of weeks ago. It felt good. I've been running more often anyway in pursuit of my weight loss goal. The race reminded me of the best part of running. They served us beers at 10am!

And finally, I'm embarking on a new adventure. It's a bit of a surprise that I'm here, but it feels good. We'll see...

The 5 Question Interview, Part 2

You can find out why I'm writing this post here. These questions were asked of me by tuckergurl. This is a very scary exercise, but you just can't turn away.

1. Have you and The Rover talked about what raising multi-racial kids will be like? She meant TM...she'd had some red wine as she wrote these.
Surprisingly no. We've talked about the values we want to impart to them and who will be the disciplinarian, but we haven't talked about the racial/cultural component. I think - without knowing it - that my dad and stepmom...who's white...are my guides. As far as I see, they don't "prep" my brother to be biracial. They face problems from without as they come up with no shame, and they have taught him about his family his entire life. Of course, they are very fortunate to live in a tolerant community, but race has never been a "thing."

So I'm hoping to adopt that philosophy. I am not so naive to think that race won't be an issue by the time my child comes into the world. As I write this, I'm realizing I believe that biracial people...of any combination...are more accepted by society that straight black people. Huh. I have to think about this.

2. If you could have any occupation in the world (other than the one you have), what would it be?
I have two answers. I would either:

• run a small theatre company of quality in a community that really values theatre, or
• be a camp counselor in Maine.

3. If you could spend a night with one celebrity, who would it be?
So many are coming to mind! Wait a minute! I'm ashamed it took me this long...Channing Tatum, of course! God, that would be good stuff!

4. What is your biggest regret?
I had one answer for this for years, but writing it doesn't seem right. Huh...again. I think I may have forgiven myself for that one. I think my biggest regret is not going through with breaking up with Ex during our trip to Miami 7 months into our relationship. I actually told him that I wanted to break up because he didn't seem to accept me as I was. But then we made up...sort of. I should have kept walking.

5. What's your favorite movie?
There are SO many. But I guess I would have to say Dirty Dancing. That one has the strongest emotional tie for me. I can remember that film in a way I remember no other.

The Real Advantage

I must say, being offered the opportunity to become Dr. L Britt by Harvard is pretty f*cking cool. But the best thing about this whole thing is that I get to leave my job!

My workplace is an animal circus. Luckily, it's not insane because people don't care...in fact, it is the opposite...they care too much. However, there are several people who cannot do the jobs they have been charged with. I'm one of the youngest people here, and I am often scolding, leading, and advising people twice my age. It's very bizarre.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to dealing with a different group of crazy people: grad students!