About to talk about HeLa

This month's book club book is The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks. Tonight is our meeting. I loved this book so much, I can't stand it. It has changed my view of so many things...it's hard to explain. I've been anxious to talk about this book for weeks. Finally, finally, it's going to be discussed.

But now I'm getting scared. On the Meetup page, people are jokingly talking about bringing sangria because it's blood-like. Bringing cheese because it's "live cultures." I am so afraid that people are going to avoid the real issues of this book: racism, medical ethics, ignorance born of poverty, business manipulation. I'm also afraid because I'm the only black person in the group...which is nothing new.

I really hope people will be respectful. That they will not say stupid things. That they won't avoid the uncomfortable feelings by crude jokes.

I may sit near the door, just in case.

Change of Plans

I woke up today with a specific plan. Much of that plan had to do with tricking myself to get things accomplished...something I learned last week when I had my first appointment with my new academic advisor/therapist...long story that I'll explain later. I was going to put on my gym clothes before I went to my office hours so that I could head straight to the gym. I was going to spend my time during a meeting working on another paper.

But all that has changed...my very good friend is having a baby today, so all I have to do is be there for her. Simple, to the point, no tricks involved. Wish her luck!

One More Day

The house guest is here for only one more day...SO excited. I'm also dealing with some personal and personnel issues so I have to remind myself of the decisions I made earlier in the year. I need to trust myself more than I doubt myself.

I must say I am proud of myself. Last night was a bad one, but instead of moping in my sweats, I dressed up and went to my school's semi-formal dance. It ended up being a really good time and it meant a lot to the organizers that I was there, since I worked with them during the academic conference I helped organize. I think it made all the difference in my mood for the rest of the weekend.

Right now, I'm watching Key Largo (1948) on TV. I want to be better than it is...there's just a lot of speechifying going on. I'm not complaining however; there is no one in the apartment right now except for Ella and me. Wheuheu!

I Gotta Tell Someone

Okay...

So for the next week, my roommate's boyfriend is here visiting. He's not just any boyfriend. They have been together five years; he used to live in this apartment with my roommate when he was getting his Ph.D.; they have had a long distance relationship for the past two years while he's working on the West Coast. They see each other maybe once every two months. So I do not begrudge my roommate having some quality time with him.

This apartment is indeed spacious, but it is clearly a two-bedroom. When someone is sitting at the kitchen table, they are taking up a lot of space, not to mention the counter top since we have none. There is only one bathroom with two hooks for towels. There is one TV. You see what I mean.

Anyway, I can get anal about some things...I admit that. One of those things is putting objects back in their place. Especially when space is limited, I am a stickler for returning food back to the pantry, throwing away trash left on the table, putting dirty dishes in the sink and not leaving them on the coffee table. Granted, the dishes don't have to be washed for days, just as long as they are getting crusty and moldy in the sink. And I admit, I don't have much patience with regard to this. That is, I want things in their rightful place right away. 

The boyfriend is clearly not a stickler for these things. So last night, while they were out at dinner, I put things away: dishes, paper towels, food. This morning, I woke up, walked Ella and went back up to my room to do work. They woke up and he started bitching that he couldn't find his coffee that he left on our limited counter space and I returned to the pantry. They thought I was gone, so they were talking at a normal voice and I could hear ever word they were saying. And I very distinctly heard him call me a "psycho bitch." My roommate - always the compassionate one - said, "No, no. She's not a psycho bitch." That made me laugh.

I just went downstairs to get some cereal. My roommate was still home and expressed surprise that I was still in the house. I told her that I had been here the whole morning and had been wide awake the entire time. The song beneath my words said that I heard everything they said.

So now I don't have to be nice to him anymore. I won't be a "psycho bitch" or anything, but now I don't have to deal with him if I don't want to. I can enter my house and pretend he's not there. Which is what I wanted to do anyway, I just didn't want to be rude. Now I have an excuse. I am a psycho bitch after all. :)

My New Blog Layout...

...is really bright, no?

I had 7 things on my depression to-do list today. As part of my treatment, the things I'm expected to accomplish get MUCH simpler. These may be simple, but it takes all my energy to do them, believe you me.

1. Shower

2. Go to gym

3-5. Walk (not just let out) Ella at least three times.

6. Grade at least half the papers for the class I TF.

7. Eat.

I've done 1, 2, 3, 4, and 7. I'm working on 6. now.

My New Bed

So I got a new bed this week...not really, though. It's actually a memory foam mattress topper for the bed I already have, but it's really like having a new bed.

The fact that I got this "new" bed is really TM's fault. When we lived together, he bought a 4-inch memory foam and it transformed our sleeping experience. It was the most comfortable thing ever! But when we broke up, he took it with him. I thought I could live without it, but I soon discovered that I couldn't. So I ordered a 2-inch one that came with two pillows. It's not as amazing as the 4-inch one, but it's still pretty damn cool. I do believe that I'm sleeping better than I did before.

I believe the world would be a better place if more people had memory foam mattress toppers.

College Chums

I went to college with Santogold.

I'm not saying that in a boastful way. In fact, I'm kinda wigged out that I "knew her when." Even she admits she never saw herself doing this, and I certainly never did.

It's not like I haven't seen my friends and people I know make it big. On my latest Netflix rental, I saw an ad for a movie made by someone I partied with in Argentina; she helped me buy some sexy stilettos. My friend just published a book and got an article published in a national newspaper. I texted tuckergurl in the middle of Michael Clayton because someone else we went to college with was in the movie. I've seen my friends in national TV commercials.

Yet, for some reason, seeing Santi's weird video weirds me out. It's definitely not jealousy...I'm exactly where I should be. Ah, well...She's touring with Coldplay this summer, which is pretty friggin' awesome for her. And she got a blurb in the New Yorker. Even awesome-er.

Cool Things on the Web

I've had a tummy ache since Friday afternoon; it has not been fun, believe you me. Don't you love that phrase! Anyway, to distract myself I've followed up on what a couple of friends of mine have found on the web and they are indeed pretty cool.

1. One of my friends has this website as her gchat status. I don't know anything about this guy Matt, but it's pretty cool what's he and his partner have done. Definitely check it out...one of the best music videos I've seen in a while.

2. The Rover found this site and it is pretty awesome, I have to say. You forget that Hollywood is filled with creative types that just got covered with marketing grime. Take that grime off and real kooky genius emerges.

Love the One You're With

I may be single right now, but at least I'm not dating this douche!

P.S. The man you see is not the actual Dimitri, he's an actor lip syncing the message. It's wicked funny.



Here's Part Two...

A Missed Opportunity

J.K. Rowling (pronounced rolling) was the commencement speaker for Harvard this year.

Can I say here how confusing Harvard's graduation exercises are? There is the main ceremony with everyone, then the separate school diploma ceremonies, then everyone gets back together for the Commencement speaker. Not to mention that it's a month after the last day of classes. So weird!

Anyway, I had no urge to hear her speech. I thought she would not be interesting at all. I mean, I loved the books, but they weren't high literature or anything!

Boy was I wrong! Everyone who went said the speech was amazing. She was funny, smart, moving, and inspirational. I had to see it. So of course I went straight to YouTube...and they were right. One of her best lines: while talking about the value of failure she made it clear that she was not advocating being poor.

"Climbing out of poverty by your own efforts, that is something on which to pride yourself. But poverty itself is romanticized only by fools."

That idea was one of the biggest problems I had with TM. As a person who never had to deal with it, he seemed to look down on people who actively tried to avoid it.

Anyway, I know the speech is in three parts, but please check it out. Especially if you hated your graduation speaker. You can listen to this one and claim it as your own...it's that good. 2008 was a great year for commencement speakers.

An Update on a "Cult Leader"

I don't know if you remember this, but right before I met TM I spent a lame weekend with a dude in Buffalo, NY. It was a crappy weekend, but I got to go to Canada and I saw Niagara Falls. Anyway, we spent one night with this "spiritual guru" that the loser guy was all into, and when I got home, I wrote about my reactions to him, which weren't positive. I went through a range of emotions that night, but ultimately decided that he wasn't for me. It wasn't what he was saying that was so scary, it was what his followers were saying that freaked me out.

I got a couple of comments from Bijan followers telling me that "I didn't understand." Whatevs.

But a couple of weeks ago, I started getting a lot of comments to that post; some of them pointed me to the story I'm about to tell you, others were rants defending him. It was weird because I wrote the post a year and a half ago. I am in the middle of finals so I haven't had time to look into it, but I'm wrapping up my 15-page statistics final, so to celebrate I went on a treasure hunt.

The source is here. This isn't the first time I've been quoted, but my blog is not big like tuckergurl's, so it's still a bit of a shock when I'm cited on a page I've never visited.

The reason: apparently that "guru" Bijan Anjomi was arrested last week on three counts of sexual assault to two women during what was supposed to be "personal coaching sessions" with the women. He's 64; the women were 27 and 37. Ick.

The fact that the narcissistic loser from Buffalo was drawn to this snake oil salesmen does not surprise me at all. In fact, I have come across more than my fair share of egotistical men who point to some "great thinker" to justify their selfishness. I'm sick of it.

I hope they throw the book at Bijan.

Wheuheu!

17
This is wonderfully morbid! But good information to have...we all know from horror movies that it's the kids that do the worst damage when everyone turns into zombies.

Can You Figure This Out?

I got this interactive brain buster from planetdan. He's really funny and gets to travel a lot. Remind me to get his job when I'm finished with school.

Anywhoo, click here to play the game. The first page is all in Japanese, so make sure you open the link in a different window/page and read the directions for the game below. To start the game, click on the blue circle in the lower right hand corner.

The goal is to get everyone from one side of the river over to the other side. Click on any person to get him/her onto the boat or off the boat. Then click on red knob on either side to make the raft cross the river.

1. You can take no more than two people on the raft at one time.
2. The father isn't allowed to be left alone with any of his daughters without the mother present.
3. The mother isn't allowed to be left alone with any of her sons without the father present.
4. Prisoner can't be left alone with any member of the family. He can either be left by himself or with the cop.
5. Only the policeman and the parents can operate the boat.

If you get it, please let me know. If I ever figure it out, I will post the answer in the comments.

Have fun!

I Bought a New Computer...

...for $94 dollars. Yup, you read correctly. I bought it on eBay to be exact. I was a bit nervous, but I booted up it up for the first time yesterday at the library and it works great!

Well...it's not really a new computer per se, it's more like a new operating system, but it has the same effect. Due to the lovely dual processor that lives inside my little laptop, I'm able to run a PC on my Mac. And it's the real deal. You choose Windows instead of Mac OSX when the computer starts up and it looks like a real PC, with the Start button in the corner and everything. I bought Windows XP 'cuz Vista still scares the crap out of me, and all seems to be well. It's so strange! After almost a year of being a Mac girl, it's weird to remember that all my applications won't spread themselves across my screen if I move the cursor to a corner. That closing a window actually shuts down the program. And I can confirm that Windows is not nearly as pretty as OSX (especially not Leopard)...no, it is not.

The good thing is, I'll be able to watch Netflix movies now, join the web cam feed of my favorite podcast, and...this is the best part...I'll be able to run the statistical software needed for my quantitative methods class! Wheuheu!

What's Up with the Young Actors Dying?

I find it strange that I only found out that Brad Renfro died almost a exact week before Heath Ledger did after I heard about Heath.

That's all.

What's Wrong with Me?

I really want to see The Little Mermaid on Broadway. I can't explain why. The way Ariel's tail is attached to the back of her costume looks ridiculous, but I still want to see the show. I think I dig how multiculti (to use a term from tuckergurl) it is.

Harvard is turning my brain to mush.

All The Posts I Would Have Written...

So I've actually wanted to post in the past weeks several times. Alas, I still don't feel like I can spare the time. I'm getting better though.

Anyway, here are the abstracts to the posts I would have written.

I Thought We Lived in a Good Neighborhood. TM and I were so excited to be able to give out candy this year after years of living in apartment buildings in NYC, where you don't ever buzz someone in that you don't know. Our neighborhood is filled with houses that are filled with kids. We went to Costco and got a big bag of candy and 100 Blow-Pops...just in case we ran out. Apparently, we live on a crappy street because only one group of kids came by all night! And of those five kids, only two of them were in a costume. TM gave them each a huge handful of candy and I've been bringing the rest to school. So sad...

Happy Anniversary? TM and I celebrated our first anniversary the beginning of October. It isn't technically a year since we became boyfriend/girlfriend (that's in December), but it's been a year since we've basically been together...he didn't date anyone else once we had our first date and I went on one lame ass date before I realized that I was comparing the dude to TM. It was a great anniversary: dinner in the North End, gelato in a cute dessert shop. The rest of the month did not go so well. We had a very hard month discussing our "next step." It was really difficult, where a lot was revealed and a lot of tears were shed. Ultimately, it was one of the best things that has happened to us. We are closer and know so much more about each other than we did...even after a year. Now we're having a blast!

Duh! I want to be engaged. TM knows this and we are "in talks"...I don't think anyone is going on strike or anything. It's just funny because as soon as I said it out loud to TM, it felt like this huge revelation and the most obvious thing to me simultaneously. I think being married to TM would be the coolest thing ever.

Movies I've Seen. So part of my adjustment period at Harvard is trying to find balance between getting my work done and taking care of my family and me. It's still a struggle, but I'm getting better. So good, in fact that for three weekends in a row, I've seen a movie in the movie theatre! Can I say again how much I love having a $7 movie theatre walking distance from my house? So I've seen Eastern Promises, American Gangster, and Lars and the Real Girl.

I officially don't get David Cronenberg films. I mean I don't get what the hubbub is about. This movie is well-scripted and directed in a pretty straight-forward way. There is one pretty amazing scene in the film that I have never seen before...I imagine that must have taken some skill to execute. Besides that, it was pretty good, but not great.

American Gangster, on the other hand, was so kick-ass! Denzel was better than he was in Training Day. In Training Day, I could feel him actively trying to get the audience to forget his usual acting type. Like he was screaming: "I'm not always a nice guy, you know!" Granted, he was screaming in an excellent voice. With this film, he wore his character like a perfectly tailored suit. You didn't see the work behind the character...he just was. And Russel Crowe's character was made for him: earthy and awkward and sexy and tough. He was a meaty actor in a meaty role. It was a fascinating story as well, all the more interesting because it's true.

I loved Lars and the Real Girl so much. I understood that character so much. I don't know if it's due to the writing or due to my own mental health struggles, but I totally got why Lars did everything he did and it all made complete sense to me. There were several moments where I was laughing and sad crying at the exact same time. Anyone who has dealt with loss, with loneliness, with family issues should see this film. I'm not saying you'll relate to it the way I did, but you'll definitely recognize something in the film. So Good!

It's Coming Together. The cool thing that happens in a strong academic setting is happening for me right about now. I'm making brand new connections in my brain. What I'm learning about in my Econ class is tying into my core doctoral seminar about the role of education in perpetuating or dismantling class. When I learn about adult development, I can apply to how workers in an organization deal with change. I'm going to use the skills I developed in my qualitative interviewing class on a class project in another one. I love that feeling of connecting.

They Are Dropping Like Flies. Perhaps I had Harvard on too high a pedestal, but I thought that the Admissions Committee did all the weeding out before we got here. I know I was struggling with feeling stupid, but it didn't seriously occur to me that I would quit the program. I thought I might fail out, but I'm not worried about that anymore. However, there is serious self-doubt creeping into the ranks...people who I thought had this whole grad school thing down are catching the "I wanna quit" cold. It's kinda scary. No one beside the woman I spoke about before has actually done it, but there is more talk than makes me comfortable. I just have to keep my eyes on the prize: Dr. L. Britt!

Shout-out. A friend of mine...who hasn't posted on her blog in quite a while :)...is making a huge life change soon. It's something that she's wanted to do for a long time and now she's making it happen. I just want to say that I'm very proud of her and happy for her. Yeah!

Scared to Hope. So I just saw the latest "Grey's Anatomy" episode online. That one was good! It was really good. It wasn't precocious and annoying they way it's been all season. It was simple and well-written and it let the good actors be good actors. It was interesting to see Christina not be top dawg. It was comforting to have Bailey back in charge. And I'm SO happy they are sabotaging the whole George/Izzie thing, because that relationship reeked of a Sweeps Week ploy. It was like the writers tried to have a one-night stand with a lame plot choice and the choice ended up pregnant, so they were stuck with it. So now I'm happy with the show, but I still have to take it one episode at a time, because who knows if it will get annoying again.

I'm so excited about this!

Next Friday, Dr. Drew Faust will be inaugurated as Harvard's first female president. This school has been around for 300 years and I happen to be here when it's getting its first female leader. I can't explain it, but I am SO excited about this.

Listen to this fact:

"Drew Faust is only Harvard’s 28th president since its founding. The United States, which is considerably younger than the university, has had 43 presidents."

- Harvard University Office of the President website

It's going to be a two-day event, with readings, a symposium, musical events. There is this website all about the ceremony and all the Harvard artifacts that are coming out of the archives for this grand event. Toni Morrison, one of America's best writers ever, is going to do a reading before the ceremony!

I'm excited like I'm going to have lunch with Barack or something! I can't wait!

Now I'm Just Bored

I have run out of things that need to be done. Pre-orientation...that's right: pre-orientation. I have a week of pre-orientation, then a week of regular orientation, then classes...doesn't start until next Tuesday, and classes don't even start until Sept. 17!

Due to a well-timed settlement check from a slip-and-fall accident several years ago and not using all my vacation days, I haven't needed to work since I moved...though I will eventually. Which has been great because there has been a lot to do. But now there is not so much to do.

• The apartment is totally set up. All necessary furniture has been assembled, all new curtains hung, all rugs laid.
  

• Ella has had her check-up at her new vet.

• Our car has had its tune-up and inspection and is sitting in front of our home.

• I know where the grocery store, the laundromat, the bank, the post office, the cool coffee shop, and all the restaurants are in our 'hood.
  

• Cable, gas, electric, Internet all hooked up.

Now, I'm just putzing. Doing laundry, going running, watching "Rome" on Netflix...so good that show is! I'm going to sign up for temp agencies this week and look into bartending school. It worked for me 10 years ago. But I feel a little in limbo until next week when I get a better sense of what my life is going to be like.

Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't have done this any other way. I'm so glad we moved here well before I had to think about school. I couldn't imagine unpacking boxes after an 8-hour orientation on what it means to be a Harvard doctoral student. But my life is pretty boring right about now.

In other news, another one of my oldest friends is married. I'm perfectly content with where TM and I are at, but seeing another friend in a beautiful champagne dress does start to wear on you. As I tell all my other friends that have been to their third and fourth wedding this year: it is the season. We are officially of the age where people are coupling up and popping 'em out. At the wedding reception I was at this weekend, everyone was coupled. Even the people who came alone had girlfriends and husbands at home who just couldn't make it! 'Tis the season. Crazy!

Oh yeah, my birthday was last Friday. It was...by far...the most uneventful birthday I ever had. And it was fine. TM bought me roses and wrote me a beautiful card. I had already used his present...a gift certificate for a massage...the day before. I got phone calls and emails from friends and family. But I spent most of the day in traffic driving from Boston to Washington, DC. It was for a very worthy cause...see description of wedding reception for friend above...so it was all good. I'm 33 now...jeez!

Public Opinion Survey

Below are two versions of the same dance by Gwen Verdon, a famous Broadway star, performed on "The Ed Sullivan Show." This dance was choreographed by Bob Fosse, one of the most famous choreographers ever. One of these videos is one of the most HILARIOUS things I have ever seen. But I want to withhold my opinion until you see both and comment.

Which one do you prefer?

Gwen Verdon #1

Gwen Verdon #2