Capturing the Flags

Before I begin...a story and cautionary tale about what you should NEVER do to anyone, especially on a first date.

I had a date with a man we'll call "Ellis." Hint: I refer to one of Joan's boyfriends on "Girlfriends." I was really looking forward to it because he looked so good on paper: interesting job, owned a dog, lived in Brooklyn, etc. However, I soon discovered that there was absolutely no chemistry. We ended up talking about our jobs...a lot! The conversation never got away from trite observations. Every time I asked Ellis an insightful question, he answered with a pedestrian response.

That wasn't even the worse part of the evening. At one point, I was telling Ellis about my cheese thing...see #3 here. He was shocked! And then he did the most annoying thing EVER...he said, "You just haven't had good cheese." He then proceeded to explain that all I need is to be taken to a good cheese shop and then I'll appreciate it. I tried to tell him that I have had good cheese...I've tasted it in several circumstances and I just like what I like. He wasn't hearing it. I finally had to put my hand on the table in a "stop talking" gesture. I said to him, "Ellis, I'm 32 years old. I don't like cheese." I think he finally got the point.

He then tried to joke off the fact that 30 minutes into our first in-person conversation, he felt he knew me enough to tell me what I like. I laughed as well...but that was only to dispel my urge to sock him one.

I was able to laugh about that event upon minutes of ending the date, but I noticed something about myself. Actually, two things:

1. I put the kibosh on his arrogant behavior. Before Ex, I would have swallowed my anger and said something meek like "Maybe you're right, Ellis." But not only did I stand my ground, but I told him that his presumptions were offending me. Yeah, me!

2. A red flag went up for me in that moment. Here is a man that didn't listen when I told him something about myself. A man that proceeded to tell me I was mistaken on a point that has to do with ME!!! We weren't arguing a point of the day...I was telling him something about myself and he refuted me. That's not cool. Worse than not being cool, that's familiar to me. And I am not a fan of repeating history. When Ex used to tell me what I felt and thought was wrong, I actually listened and felt like shyt.

So the date ended with me thinking this would be our first and last date...but then he said he wanted "to do this again." What the...?!?!?!? Ellis also said, "So you have my number....", implying that it's my turn. Whatever!

I think I will call him to tell him that I don't think it's going to work out, but only because I HATE it when guys don't call even to say that it's not going to continue. But I am happy that I am learning to respect myself more in dating situations. I still have a long way to go, but I am getting better.