Did I ever mention...

...that I knit now? I took a class called "Knitting for Mindfulness" or something back in February and learned how to knit. I love it very much. I know how to do the knit and perl stitch, and how to follow a pattern, and how cast on and cast off, and how to do all sorts of funky cool stuff. Of course, I haven't done any of it yet, but I know how to do it.

Right now, I'm just perfecting the two stitches on the yarn the teacher gave us. I bought new yarn because I want to make a dog sweater for Ella, but I'm not breaking it out just yet. I need to find the right pattern.

Windfall!

I just finished my taxes and I must say...being a student while paying a mortgage is the best way to get a phat refund. I'm looking forward to my bank statement in a couple of weeks.

I am very fortunate that this year I don't have major bad debt hanging over my head. My credit cards are under control, my utility bills are paid, I'm not getting angry letters from the bank who owns my mortgage. So this year, I've decided that most of the refund is going to my first ever emergency fund. I've never had one...though I've tried...and I think having a nice chunk of change will help start my e-fund off right.

I've also decided that I'm using part of my refund for TM and I to have some fun...maybe an overnight trip to a bed and breakfast somewhere...or at least a nice dinner and a movie. We need to have more fun, that's for sure.

Wheuheu!

17
This is wonderfully morbid! But good information to have...we all know from horror movies that it's the kids that do the worst damage when everyone turns into zombies.

NY Theatre is SO Racist!

I can't believe this article. God forbid older white female theatregoers go to any play that doesn't affirm their status on the pedestal of American society! It seems that any play that does not cater to these women has no business being on Broadway. And apparently it would mean Armageddon if a play that had an all-black cast drew a racially diverse audience. How can theatre still be so culturally backwards...especially theatre in New York?! It's infuriating!

Quitter?

I'm thinking of leaving Harvard at the end of the academic year. I'm thinking Harvard just might be too hard.

I'm not talking about the work; I mean, the work is very difficult, but I don't mind that. But to do the work well, the rest of one's life gets so much harder. And since Harvard is not the goal for me, but simply part of the journey, I'm wondering if I just don't want to take another path.

All my relationships have suffered since I've been here: with TM, with friends, with family, with art. I'm going through feelings of self-doubt and insecurity that I just don't think are necessary at this point in my life. Of course one would think that if I am aware enough to say these things, then maybe I could just start to feel more confident, more self-assured.

Ah, there's the rub...the "Big H" that people use to refer to Harvard isn't just the reputation the name gives you in the real world. It's also the feeling that seeps in your soul while you're within its walls. The feeling that "they" have it all figured out, so if something is askew it has to be you. It's the way Harvard values precision, efficiency, and a certain type of critical thinking while simultaneously devaluing creativity, exploration, and questioning for its own sake.

It's very difficult to be both strong and vulnerable here. I know that sounds like an oxymoron, but I believe that is part of being human...or that it should be. I know that is when I'm at my best: when I'm confidently scared. These days, I'm nowhere near my best, even as I get "A"s on my papers.

I guess I won't really know what I'll do until it's time for registration for next fall. I'm going to visit friends in NYC for part of my Spring Break...that should definitely help.

I'll keep you posted.

'Nuff Said

Summer is crazy eloquent...no wonder she's in a Master's program in English! Just read this. She has it spot on. As a black woman in a doctorate program in education, where race is brought up as an intellectual exercise every day, I could speak to this for days. I just wish I could get up from under my feelings of inadequacy enough to figure who's pushing them down on me.

More "Good" News

A friend of mine...who's also my crush here at Harvard...just came to visit me while I'm working in the library with news that him and his really cool girlfriend just got engaged.

He's the third person in my cohort to get engaged this school year.

I'm happy for all of them...but I still want to cry.

Can You Figure This Out?

I got this interactive brain buster from planetdan. He's really funny and gets to travel a lot. Remind me to get his job when I'm finished with school.

Anywhoo, click here to play the game. The first page is all in Japanese, so make sure you open the link in a different window/page and read the directions for the game below. To start the game, click on the blue circle in the lower right hand corner.

The goal is to get everyone from one side of the river over to the other side. Click on any person to get him/her onto the boat or off the boat. Then click on red knob on either side to make the raft cross the river.

1. You can take no more than two people on the raft at one time.
2. The father isn't allowed to be left alone with any of his daughters without the mother present.
3. The mother isn't allowed to be left alone with any of her sons without the father present.
4. Prisoner can't be left alone with any member of the family. He can either be left by himself or with the cop.
5. Only the policeman and the parents can operate the boat.

If you get it, please let me know. If I ever figure it out, I will post the answer in the comments.

Have fun!