Tuesday, February 21, 2006

My Angry Black Woman Moment

Staff meetings make me angry. It's not like they are super long and they aren't a waste of time, but for some reason I dread going to them and I leave them feeling irate. This time I came back to my office and thought about why I hate the meetings so much and why I am so angry afterwards.

What I've come up with is that the staff meetings highlight that I am the only black person on the staff, and one of two women. I am the only woman that is not in an administrator support position. What's worse...everyone else is a white male. And there is such a comraderie between them that they don't even try to include anyone else in on.

For instance, the head of my department said that he and I need to set up a meeting in his office to do my yearly review. He then told two other bigwigs that he could do their review over a beer...since they were already friends. Hmmmm....I wonder who's going to get one of those very rare merit raises this year? I have to say, I don't think I'm necessarily in the running this year regardless, but it just sucks that the director flaunts his favoritism so blatantly.


Melissa said...

That situation sucks. It flat-out sucks. It makes it harder in very male dominated business situations to stand up for yourself - always the question of whether you'd be called a bitch for asking that your review be over a few beers, too... or that everyone's review be held in a professional setting. The black/white thing I'll never get. I don't get it when I'm in the majority and I don't get it when I'm in the minority. I guess, in terms of business, it's easier to have white boobs than black ones. Yuck, that's so basic and yet, so telling. Ooooh, I'm sad and frustrated now. I think there's a Reese's cup with my name on it in the kitchen.

Kelly said...

Well, your gut will never let you down once you take time to listen to it. Your reasons for hating staff meetings are completely understandable. In situations like this when I find my mind spinning and focusing on what I don't like or what I don't want, I end up just feeling worse.

I keep trying to remember that there are only two things I can control:

(1) My actions;
(2) My reactions to other peoples' actions.

I can't control anyone's actions no matter how much I'd like to do so. I don't know if this will help at all, but I thought that I'd offer it to you.

It's one of those seemingly simple things to remember and implement, but I have to work on it daily and often, minute-by-minute.

Take care!