Sunday, May 18, 2008

A Death in the Family

On my drive home from my S'mom's graduation tonight, I thought back on a recent encounter I had with TM. Did I mention that he moved down the street from our old apartment? We spoke very briefly, but that's not new. These days, we only have the briefest, most superficial conversations. Even when I called him to tell him that I finished my first year and to thank him for the part he played in supporting me...I made it clear that I wasn't referring to the recent past, which he made more difficult...he response was so official. So professional, like he was talking to a client or something, not someone whom he once loved.

Thinking about this in the car, I realized that I want to interact with TM, but I don't at the same time. I see the man I love and I want to talk to him, tell him about the end of my semester, hear about his music...ironically, I am/was one of his biggest supporters. But when I try, another person responds. A person who doesn't love me at all, who doesn't want to know me. It's like TM died the night we broke up. There is another man walking around that looks and sounds like him, but the TM I knew is gone. And he's probably never coming back.

I know, I know...this isn't news. But it hit me like a ton of bricks.


summer said...

hey, i have a question for you.

we're close to the same age. and you've embarked on a phd. how long is your program expected to take? did you have any hesitation regarding entering into it due to age? if so, how did you get past it? and if not, tell me why i should not.


as for tm's officialness. it's probably just how he breaks up. communicating with you at this point (especially since the breakup wasn't 50/50 mutual) is probably awkward. it's not so much that your tm "died," as it may be that this is the same tm, just that it's the "breakup tm" and you never met him until now.

summer said...

no, lbritt, i did not get your email!!

summer said...

that's weird. that's where you should send it -- SUMBLOG@HOTMAIL.COM. Try it again; I'll make sure it didn't go to junk mail.