Especially when it's not your family, but you are still very connected. But the family may not see you that way...at least not yet.
When you are observing family from afar, all its attributes and its flaws are crystal clear, and you can revel in the fact that they are so different from you. But as you get closer, when you and other people stop being on 'best behavior', you realize how much their attributes and their flaws are similar to your own.
When you are trying to create family with another person, and you watch that person interact with his original family, you realize that your version of family is so new and fragile compared to the years of history and stories and adventures. It's enough to make one feel like she doesn't have a leg to stand on.
And of course, you don't want to be that girl...the one who everyone has to appease because she doesn't know 'how things are'. But you end up being that girl anyway because you are feeling like you've always missed the private joke, even when people try to explain it. After all, family is nice and supportive and as welcoming as they can be.
And all this doesn't even take into consideration when you feel like so much is at stake because you really want to be part of family, that you want to get in on the private joke. It all just sucks because ultimately, you feel like you're blowing it.
That's all I got tonight.
Friday, December 21, 2007
Saturday, December 15, 2007
My New Favorite Place
I discovered it this morning. It's so wonderful and made just for me. I feel the most comfortable, the safest, the most loved when I'm there.
It's lying in bed, grudgingly waking up, intertwined with TM on one side of me and Ella curled up (and taking up too much room) on the other side.
That is by far the best place for me to be.
It's lying in bed, grudgingly waking up, intertwined with TM on one side of me and Ella curled up (and taking up too much room) on the other side.
That is by far the best place for me to be.
Friday, December 07, 2007
I Don't Get Videos
I'm up early this Friday. I don't have classes today, but I'm not upset. I'm just glad that I can enjoy this Friday off and not rush off to a group meeting or site visit or something.
So I'm watching videos. Things I haven't seen in a very long time. And I realize that I don't get them. How does a woman stop Freddy Rodriguez from killing himself by dancing in the Santana video? And how did she get a waitress job where she can take over the restaurant with her sexy dancing? All that hair flying around the food must be a health hazard.
And there's this video with the girl who plays Vanessa on "Gossip Girl" where I'm supposed to believe that even though she has the alcohol problem and is sitting in the passenger seat, the driver gets killed in an accident. I don't buy it. But I do think she looks better with straight hair...she has curly hair in the show...to make her more ethnic, I think.
And there was no way I was going to watch a video hoochie be all lovey-dovey to Sean Kingston, even if he's talking about how rough his life is. He's not attractive and not talented.
And is it just me, but does Natasha Bettingfield looks like she's 37? Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying she looks bad. I'm saying she looks too old to be referencing high school feelings in her songs. And she's definitely too old to have Sean Kingston featured in her multi-culti video.
In other news, my good friend, Angela came to visit me last weekend. We had a mellow weekend, but I really enjoyed seeing her face. I missed her so much! I wish I would have scheduled in more time with just her and I, but I'll visit NYC in January. P.S. If you haven't seen Gone Baby Gone, don't. It sucked.
In other other news, my semester is over in less than two weeks! Well, it's not over because I have finals due at the end of January...but I don't have anymore classes in about a week and a half. I know I sound all dramatic, but I really can't believe I finished and that I accomplished all that I did. I now know what a standard deviation is and how to get it. I know a basic overview of the history of urban education and how its history shapes its function today. I know that US colleges have a 50% graduation rate and that rate is continuing to decrease. I know how to write a reference list in APA format. None of these things I knew just four months ago. Crazy!
You should do that sometime...pick a time in the recent past and come up with all the stuff that you know now that you absolutely didn't know then. If you've got nothing...go start learning!
So I'm watching videos. Things I haven't seen in a very long time. And I realize that I don't get them. How does a woman stop Freddy Rodriguez from killing himself by dancing in the Santana video? And how did she get a waitress job where she can take over the restaurant with her sexy dancing? All that hair flying around the food must be a health hazard.
And there's this video with the girl who plays Vanessa on "Gossip Girl" where I'm supposed to believe that even though she has the alcohol problem and is sitting in the passenger seat, the driver gets killed in an accident. I don't buy it. But I do think she looks better with straight hair...she has curly hair in the show...to make her more ethnic, I think.
And there was no way I was going to watch a video hoochie be all lovey-dovey to Sean Kingston, even if he's talking about how rough his life is. He's not attractive and not talented.
And is it just me, but does Natasha Bettingfield looks like she's 37? Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying she looks bad. I'm saying she looks too old to be referencing high school feelings in her songs. And she's definitely too old to have Sean Kingston featured in her multi-culti video.
In other news, my good friend, Angela came to visit me last weekend. We had a mellow weekend, but I really enjoyed seeing her face. I missed her so much! I wish I would have scheduled in more time with just her and I, but I'll visit NYC in January. P.S. If you haven't seen Gone Baby Gone, don't. It sucked.
In other other news, my semester is over in less than two weeks! Well, it's not over because I have finals due at the end of January...but I don't have anymore classes in about a week and a half. I know I sound all dramatic, but I really can't believe I finished and that I accomplished all that I did. I now know what a standard deviation is and how to get it. I know a basic overview of the history of urban education and how its history shapes its function today. I know that US colleges have a 50% graduation rate and that rate is continuing to decrease. I know how to write a reference list in APA format. None of these things I knew just four months ago. Crazy!
You should do that sometime...pick a time in the recent past and come up with all the stuff that you know now that you absolutely didn't know then. If you've got nothing...go start learning!
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