"Relax, Relate, Release"

Us children of the 80s and early 90s will recognize the title of this post. I had totally forgotten it and what it meant until this morning. I'm wishing I had remembered it earlier while I was freaking the f*uck out, but what are you going to do? With a new day comes new developments, new insights, and my Aunt Pee to help explain away the confusion.

Thanks for all those that put up with my digital primal scream yesterday. I think I really needed it. As soon as I posted it, I decided that TM's decisions were NOT going to tear apart my family anymore than they had already. If it meant that I couch surfed all summer, I would do it until I found a place that fit both my and Ella's needs.

Today, life is much better. I found an apartment that I can live in and that will take Ella. Not only have I found one, but it is convenient to campus, even closer to the cool area that TM and I lived near, and it's only with one other roommate. The rent is more expensive, but I'll more than make it up in the lower utility bills. There's a backyard! Did I mention the landlord has no problems with Ella? I can't move in until August, but I'll be house sitting for a friend of mine for the summer rent-free. Life is looking up.

You know how you don't realize how much burden you're carrying until it's gone? That's what I feel now. My fingers are tingly because my blood is flowing again. Of course, life is nowhere near perfect. I'm still sad, angry, lonely, and missing TM immensely. I just got an email that someone who was diagnosed with active tuberculosis was in a class I took this semester...I didn't sit near him, so I think I'm safe. But at least I have a place to live!

And you know what? I just completed one of the worst years of my life to get one year closer to getting my doctorate at Harvard! Hell yeah!!