George Bush's Theme Song

I love Coldplay's song: "Viva La Vida." There's something about the rhythmic string section that gets me moving everytime. Plus I like Chris Martin's voice...you go, Gwenyth!

Anywhoo, the song came on the radio just now and I decided that I wanted to know the actual words of the song...I'm bad at deciphering lyrics. As I read along with the song, it occurred to me that this song speaks so much to Dubya. Of course, this insight has a lot to do with seeing Oliver Stone's "W." But I still think the analysis works.

Check out these lyrics:

"One minute I held the key

The next the walls were closed on me

And I discovered that my castles stand

Upon pillars of salt, pillars of sand"

Or these: 

"For some reason I can't explain,

I know St. Peter won't call my name.

Never an honest word

But that was when I ruled the world"

Maybe because I'm in the crunch time for school and my brain is a little fried, but I really think these lyrics are deep in their applicability to George Bush. See what you think.

My Damn Heart!

As I've mentioned before...there is stuff going on with my heart. Nothing too dramatic, but I'm in the process of figuring stuff out. 

Tonight isn't helping...

Because I cannot process my emotions right now. I am elated, scared, relieved, hopeful, shocked, lonely, happy, cynical...did I mention scared?

All the while my heart is beating...hard.

Will you remember where you were when the first Black man was elected President of the United States? I will. I was at a bar in Harvard Square, hugging strangers, calling family and friends, and using my iPhone to confirm what CNN was saying. I was standing silent with scores of people as we listened to McCain try to reduce this victory to one only for African-Americans.  I was standing with that same group of people as President-Elect Obama inspired us once again.

All the while, I was ever conscious of my heart beating very strong. Which is a good and bad thing for me right now.

When I told my sister that something was up with my heart, she sent me a very cheesy email saying that it's because my heart has so much love in it that the love overwhelmed it. I poo-pooed her at the time, but now that's sort of how I feel. There is so much emotion going through my head and my heart right now, it feels like my heart can't take it all.

Do you understand?!?! Every time anyone in the world talks about the President of the United States, there will be an image of a Black person. Every. Single. Time.

Did anyone pick up on the seed he planted for his re-election in his acceptance speech? That was funny and crazy, but in a "crazy-like-a-fox" way.

As you can tell from this post, I'm still processing a lot of information. Sufficed to say,  I can't believe this is happening!

A Great Political Website

This website is a great artistic representation of the last two very political years.

I can't talk about tomorrow; I can barely think about it. I'm so anxious, if I ponder on it for too long, I will freak out. Either way, the decision is going to affect me on such a fundamental level. I'm going to be crying tomorrow night...hard. 

On top of all that, tomorrow morning, I have an appointment with my cardiologist to look at my patent foramen ovale. I recently discovered that I have a slight hole in my heart and it might be the cause of a bunch of stuff I've suffered from for years: my migraines, my syncope, my low blood pressure. Tomorrow I get a more thorough examination and it's decided whether or not I need to have a "procedure."

So on top of the future of this country being decided in a real way, I have to get my heart looked over. What a crazy day it will be!

God...I love radio!

This story by Sarah Jones is amazing! And all the more powerful because it enters our brain through the ears.

I Need New Glasses

I'm much better at getting out of bad situations with men faster. When I see red flags, I am bringing them out into the open much sooner. And I've gained the strength to walk away when those flags keep waving. I am amazingly proud of myself for that.

But that is no longer enough. Now I want to stop being drawn to men with red flags in the first place. I just want a man who has the time and the energy to really get to know me, to figure out if he wants to be with me. I honestly don't think I'm asking for too much, and yet...

I'll run by my therapist tomorrow.

What a Difference a Year Makes

As you may have noticed from my blatant absence from this blog, school has started up again. The library is filled with people and my days are filled with classes, meetings, and other such goings-on.

Per usual, I am busy and a bit tired, but other than that this year is so drastically different than last year.

First off, I'm 12 pounds lighter than I was last year. I honestly don't know what happened to the last 4 pounds...I haven't been very diligent keeping track of my points, but I still eat like I am (e.g., eating half a sandwich, ordering a side salad instead of fries, getting the cinnamon raisin bagel instead of the plain). And I continue to run as often as I can. I'm telling you that keeps me sane like nothing else.

Secondly, I'm at peace with my level of intelligence. I am a smart cookie and I'm firmer in knowing that than I was last year, even as I learn things everyday that blow my mind and make me question it all.

Thirdly, I'm taking an advanced quantitative methods course when this time last year the thought of stats made me cry. I'm going to be a teaching assistant for a stats course in the spring, for goodness' sake!

Fourthly, I am officially all right regarding the break-up with TM. With the support and straight-up bullying of friends to make the right decisions...for which I am eternally grateful...along with my own new found maturity, I have healed from that loss. I am so proud of myself for that.

Fifthly, I have found true friends here. Granted, they have issues up the wazoo, but so do I, and we're all crazy at Harvard together.

Sixthly, I'm spending a lot more time with Ella and that's nothing but goodness.

All in all, I like my life. It's far from perfect and even farther than where I want it to be, but it's doing just fine.

My New Bed

So I got a new bed this week...not really, though. It's actually a memory foam mattress topper for the bed I already have, but it's really like having a new bed.

The fact that I got this "new" bed is really TM's fault. When we lived together, he bought a 4-inch memory foam and it transformed our sleeping experience. It was the most comfortable thing ever! But when we broke up, he took it with him. I thought I could live without it, but I soon discovered that I couldn't. So I ordered a 2-inch one that came with two pillows. It's not as amazing as the 4-inch one, but it's still pretty damn cool. I do believe that I'm sleeping better than I did before.

I believe the world would be a better place if more people had memory foam mattress toppers.

I Miss NYC Today

I don't really miss living in NYC. I don't like Boston very much at all, but I am glad I left New York. It was making me too hard and cynical and impatient.

Except for today. Because no one in the city I live in now gets it. When I tell people in Boston I was living in New York on 9/11, I get the appropriate wide-eyed glances and "wows," but no one really gets it. In fact, hardly anyone has brought it up today at all.

No one who was living in Boston knows how New York smelled that day and for days after; how the smoke and dust seemed to cover the entire city; how everyone walked around in shock for weeks; how it felt to watch those barges haul the mountains of debris up the Hudson; how it felt to scan the photos in the paper and in the news for potential friends, family, classmates. No one in Boston truly understands how scared we all were. New York...for a New York minute...became a scary place to live.

Today I wish I was living in New York. Because I'm sure life went on there as well, but at least I would feel like I was surrounded by people who truly understood.

Single and Fabulous?

Remember that "Sex and the City" episode?

I have to get something out of my head and heart before it eats away at me. I am a single woman; that is my reality. I wish I wasn't, however I know I am moving on and I am proud of myself for it.

Except...when I get a Facebook message from a very old friend who assumes that someone in a photo is my husband. And then I read the Weddings/Celebrations section of the New York Times. Why shouldn't my friend make that assumption? Everyone else we know from our circle of friends is married by now; I am in my mid-30s now...it's fair.

After that happens, I stop feeling proud. Instead, a surge of loneliness and failure that is so intense it stings my eyes comes over me. There is nothing for me to do in those moments except feel the feeling without judgment and with the knowledge that this, too, shall pass.

Eerie

Okay, I know that Sarah Palin's youngest, Trig, has special needs and all...why don't people just say he has Down's Syndrome?, but am I the only one that thinks it's strange that her son hasn't even stirred? That kid was passed from Cindy McCain to Todd Palin to Piper without a peep. Piper is spit-shining Trig's hair, curling his eyelashes, messing with her brother like he's a ragdoll. And isn't it funny that no one passed Trig to Bristol? Let's not give Americans that image, eh?

It's eerie, I tell you.

Maybe They Just Don't WANT to Know

I was listening to a news talk show this morning while getting dressed and the host was talking about how many Americans still hold so many misconceptions about Barack Obama...can I tell you how excited I am to see his speech tonight?...despite all the campaign appearances and news coverage that he's received over the last two years. They include such ignorant falsehoods as he wasn't born in America...he couldn't be President if he wasn't, you IDIOTS!...that he's a Muslim, blah, blah, blah. She even had the gall to say the fact that she, as a member of the media, was repeating these false perceptions help fortify them...then don't repeat them! She went on to ask the guest what does Obama "have to do" to show people "who he really is."

At that point, I realized something. There are a bunch of people who just don't want to get to know him. Either because they are still boo-hooing over Hilary...don't get me started on them. I swear, if McCain wins, I'm not blaming Nader, I'm blaming those weepy losers who couldn't see past their own boobs to vote for the person who has the most in common with Hilary (except for race, of course. Ay, there's the rub)...or because they are Republican, or because...drum roll, please...Obama just doesn't look like them so therefore he must not have anything in common with them. These are the people who will die thinking the Democrats were able to find a loophole in the Constitution and nominate a Muslim from Kenya.

The answer to the host's question is: there is nothing he can do because there are people who simply don't want to get to know a Black man. God forbid their tightly-held, yet incredibly fragile assumptions about other races get shot to pieces. Whom, oh whom, will they blame their problems on? Themselves?...don't be silly!

One of The Most Important Plays Ever Written

The Women is being remade. I saw the first commercial for it tonight. It took me a minute to recognize it, but it is indeed a remake of the 1936 play, which was first turned into a movie in 1939. The playwright was Clare Booth Luce, a fascinating woman. She was a New York society woman who also happened to be a successful writer and serve in Congress. You should read Rage for Fame.

Why is this play important? Because, when done correctly...don't see "The Opposite Sex", its cast is made up entirely of women. Sure, the majority of the plot revolves around men, but you never see or hear one man in the entire play/movie. For any Broadway show or Hollywood flick, that is incredible. And now, just as in 1939, the movie stars some top notch talent...except Eva Mendes. How the hell did she get this part? For this most recent iteration, every actor that gets billing in this movie is a woman. That's so cool to me.

This is not the most PC movie in the world, and I'm sure Diane English...the creator of "Murphy Brown"...will modernize it a lot, but when done correctly, it is witty and smart. I can't wait to see it.

I Have Nothing to Say...Except This

It's been a while since I've been here; it's because I really don't have anything to say. I mean, I always have a lot to say, but for some reason I don't feel any of it is important enough to log in, go to a new post screen, type it out, re-read and edit it, apply the appropriate labels, and publish it. I haven't been lazy this summer...in fact I've been the complete opposite of lazy...but for some reason, I can't get my act together to post on this blog.

I guess I can tell you that I move into my new apartment this weekend. I've been a house guest/sitter for my friend this summer. It's been great to live rent free for two and a half months, but I'm really looking forward to having my own space...with a roommate.

I have been thinking a lot about moving and its significance. Four years ago, a move was just a move. It meant rent got too expensive, or I was living in a different city. It actually wasn't a big deal. I learned how to start early, clean out clutter, pack everything up without having to buy boxes.

But then I moved into Ex's place. And I moved out of Ex's place and into my own owned apartment. Then TM moved in with me and we moved to Boston together. Moves started to mean something. They meant the creation or destruction of a home, sometimes both simultaneously.

Now moving is back to just moving again. It's a logistical necessity, nothing more.

That is a bit sad. Eh...what are you going to do?

This is SO wrong, yet so good!

People have a lot of time on their hands...and thank goodness!

College Chums

I went to college with Santogold.

I'm not saying that in a boastful way. In fact, I'm kinda wigged out that I "knew her when." Even she admits she never saw herself doing this, and I certainly never did.

It's not like I haven't seen my friends and people I know make it big. On my latest Netflix rental, I saw an ad for a movie made by someone I partied with in Argentina; she helped me buy some sexy stilettos. My friend just published a book and got an article published in a national newspaper. I texted tuckergurl in the middle of Michael Clayton because someone else we went to college with was in the movie. I've seen my friends in national TV commercials.

Yet, for some reason, seeing Santi's weird video weirds me out. It's definitely not jealousy...I'm exactly where I should be. Ah, well...She's touring with Coldplay this summer, which is pretty friggin' awesome for her. And she got a blurb in the New Yorker. Even awesome-er.

Cool Things on the Web

I've had a tummy ache since Friday afternoon; it has not been fun, believe you me. Don't you love that phrase! Anyway, to distract myself I've followed up on what a couple of friends of mine have found on the web and they are indeed pretty cool.

1. One of my friends has this website as her gchat status. I don't know anything about this guy Matt, but it's pretty cool what's he and his partner have done. Definitely check it out...one of the best music videos I've seen in a while.

2. The Rover found this site and it is pretty awesome, I have to say. You forget that Hollywood is filled with creative types that just got covered with marketing grime. Take that grime off and real kooky genius emerges.

RIP Tony Snow

I just read that Tony Snow died of cancer today. He was only 53 years old. That is really sad. Though he worked for a complete idiot, he was actually very smart and SO funny! Did you hear him on "Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!"? Check it out. My heart goes out to his family.

Why Can't We All Just Get Along?

I'm not saying Fox News did the right thing...when do they EVER do the right thing?...by broadcasting the private comments, but come on, Jesse. You just sound like a hater. You may think Obama was being condescending, but he got a standing ovation after that speech. And you look even worse because you had to pre-apologize for what you said. Tacky, just tacky.

Sour grapes is not a good look.

In other crazy news, I found out last night that Wendy William's memoir is going to be turned into a movie starring...Robin Givens. There are no words.

ADDENDUM: This article from The Root says exactly what I think about the whole Jesse debacle, plus a bunch more. It's really good.

Love the One You're With

I may be single right now, but at least I'm not dating this douche!

P.S. The man you see is not the actual Dimitri, he's an actor lip syncing the message. It's wicked funny.



Here's Part Two...

Things Are Happening

I didn't realized how long it's been since I've posted anything at all on the site. Plenty of stuff has been happening to me, but I've been busy deciding if I wanted to blog about it. I've decided some things I will talk about, one thing I won't.

First off, I've lost 4 pounds in the last three weeks with Weight Watchers. I wasn't overweight by any stretch of the imagination, but my body mass index was at the maximum for my height. Obesity runs in my family and I didn't want to rest on my laurels, so to speak. Just because I'm not obese doesn't mean that I'm fine. So I decided to get help getting disciplined about what I eat. It's amazing how hard it is to stay conscious about food...it's very, very hard. Half the time I want to eat something really bad out of defiance. Until I realize I'd only be cutting off my nose to spite my face. I wish I was losing more faster, but four pounds is nothing to sneeze at. One pound is the weight of four sticks of butter! So I've shed 16 sticks of butter in three weeks.

Secondly, I just finished watching the entire first season of "Mad Men" on On Demand. Damn, that show is good. I watched it marathon-style in the day before July 4th and today. Every time I see Jon Hamm, I melt a little inside. That man is fine inside and out. I can't wait for the Season 2 opener at the end of July.

Thirdly, I hosted a great July 4th BBQ at the place where I'm house sitting this summer. It was an intimate gathering and it was great. Lots of good food, good drinking, and good conversation.

Fourth, I actually have a lot of work to do. I wanted to take it easy on with regards to "resume-building" work, but alas, I've gotten some great gigs. It requires a great deal of discipline, but it's good practice for me.

Fifth, I ran a race a couple of weeks ago. It felt good. I've been running more often anyway in pursuit of my weight loss goal. The race reminded me of the best part of running. They served us beers at 10am!

And finally, I'm embarking on a new adventure. It's a bit of a surprise that I'm here, but it feels good. We'll see...