Not just any boy, mind you, but a friend of mine. He's staying with me because he's meeting with professors at the school he wants to get his Ph.d. from. He flew in Friday night and we stayed up until three am watching all the "Boondocks" episodes he taped for me. LOVE that show! We were just starting to say goodnight when I leaned in and kissed him. It was a messy kiss and somewhat awkward, but I really wanted to kiss him. After he told me how shocked he was that I would do something like that, we ended up kissing some more and doing some heavy petting. The kissing improved, but it remained pretty tame...no clothes came off. It was cute and fun. We agreed the next morning that since we didn't really know what was going on, we should cool it.
Saturday night he spent with another friend of his. We weren't supposed to see each other until tonight, but he ended up coming back to my place on Sunday in the middle of the blizzard. We drank hot chocolate, watch Bowfinger...LOVE that movie! and hung out. Then we drank wine and saw the best episode of "Grey's Anatomy" EVER! Plantonicness...I know it's not a word...went out the window as the last drop of wine was drunk. We did a lot more than heavy petting last night, but still kept it pretty tame.
So today is a new day. We still don't know what's going on, but it sure is a lot of fun. Here are things I'm proud of myself about:
1. I didn't have sex with him. Usually when I'm in a physical situation with a dude, it's easier for me to pretend that we have a connection, sleep with him, and deal with the reality of it later. I would rather not be faced with the fact that he only wants me for my breasts right in the moment. This time, I stopped us precisely to ask what was going on in his head. When he didn't have a answer, I put the kabosh on going any further, lest my feelings get hurt.
2. I am still desirable. It's been a while since I've been concerned about what men think of me. But I have to admit, it does feel good to have a guy say "You are so beautiful" over and over. I thought I had lost my mojo.
3. I articulated what I wanted. I'm very vocal, but not articulate, in the bedroom. When a guy isn't doing something right, I just try to distract him so he'll stop. This time, I actually gave specific directions. It felt good to do that...in more ways than one. ;)
4. I'm attracted to this guy and he is not my type at all. He is in no way similar to the type of guy I'm usually drawn into. But we laugh a lot, talk a lot and he has the sexiest voice I've ever heard. I'm glad I'm not falling into the same ole pattern, lest my psyche gets hurt.
I think that when he leaves tomorrow, that will be the end of our "romance." I don't want our friendship to get screwed up and we're both too confused to ensure that it doesn't. He also lives in a different city, which makes it easier to let this weekend fade into a fond memory. It's been a fun weekend, but now I need time to figure out what the hell just happened.