Saturday, April 01, 2006

My Whirling Mind

It's almost one am and I need to get some sleep because I'm driving home from Connecticut and my first professional conference tomorrow morning at eight am. However, my mind is reeling with stuff. Some of which I want to blog about, some of which I want to journal, some of which I want to dish about with my friends. But because I'm so tired, I can't do any of it.

I will say that I feel very grown up right now because for three days I was surrounded by colleagues and those colleagues considered me a colleague. I had serious conversations regarding the state of our field and I attended seminars, panel discussions and lectures that were all about my field. It was such a validating experience for me. I feel empowered and strong as I head back to work.

I am also feeling like I'm missing everything. Tuckergurl came back from seven weeks in Africa and she's already painting the town red and all I was able to do was cook her dinner as we watched "America's Next Top Model." Melissa is back in New York, has already gotten drunk and had her hangover, and I haven't called her once. My other friend threw a housewarming party tonight, but only invited me at 10am this morning.
..actually I'm a bit miffed by that...and since I'm in Connecticut, I can't attend. I'm trying to organize a group of people to see The Threepenny Opera, but I've been working too hard to get this social event together.

I am also feeling misunderstood. Due to the fact that the conference was in Connecticut, I was able to stay with the 'rents. My stepmom (or s'mom, as she likes to be called) and I spent a lot of time talking about my emotional and psychological issues when I was in crisis last fall and winter. I'm better now, but for some reason, she kept rehashing it during this visit. Perhaps she felt it was one topic that we could connect over, but regardless, I didn't want to talk about it all the time. I would much rather talk about Ella! :) And we disagreed in terms of how we see medication serving depression and PTSD. I clearly stated my opinion, listened to hers and moved on. However, a couple of times during this trip, she brought it up again. With all due respect, it's my body, and if I want to hold off putting mind-altering drugs into it until I have to, then so be it.

I am feeling more but right now I'm feeling tired, so it's time for bed.

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