Thursday, July 06, 2006

Body Dysmorphic Disorder and Me

I could never be anorexic or bulimic...I enjoy food too much. Nor do I believe in destroying your body. However, recently I've been able to understand the desperation that would cause someone to become anorexic or bulimic. These days I've been feeling like my mid-section is completely out of proportion with the rest of my body. It's quite surprising how much that feeling has pervaded how I view myself and everyone else. Everything I wear doesn't look right; practically every woman I see has a waist...the thing I lack; my body wiggles everywhere.

The thing is...I don't feel this way all the time. When I look at myself in my mirror at home, I realize that it's not so bad. Yeah, I could stand to tone up, but I'm not overweight by ANY stretch of the imagination. But it's hard for me to remember that when I'm walking down the street and I see skimpy tank tops and short skirts looking fabulous on women everywhere I go.

What makes me happy is this is one aspect of my life I have complete control over. I know that if I start to consistently exercise again my body will change for the better. So now it's just a matter of weighing the options. What's feels worse: the excursion of exercise or hating the way my body looks in public?


Beebs said...

hmmmm. If you don't suffer from body Dismorphia than you are way ahead of the game. I have actually seen my own body dismorphia chane over the course of one day- simple change in activity or food brings on extremely different visions in the mirror. Its to the point where I acknowledge that my own perception of myself is so not reliable that I chose the positive image as much as I can. So I am proud of you that you can look at the mirror, see your beauty, control your rollar coaster and break it down to two things- feeling out of shape- or not.

L. Britt said...

I guess I didn't mean to imply that I actually have body dymorphia. What I meant to say is that, due to my recent feelings that are not based in reality AT ALL, I can understand how that disorder can live and thrive and make people do horrible things to themselves.

Vaslav said...

Interesting is weird how our view of ourselves can be so out of touch with reality. I always feel thin, though I rationally know I have gianed weight since my thyroid problems. And yet one of my closest firedns, who is skinny but chubby as a child, can not get ovet the feeling of being overweight.
One thing I try to remember - exercize is not just for cosmetic, but health, reasons. As to who are you writing for, I think that is something all writers struggle with, no matter what the outlet. Is David Chase writing for HBO, to satisfy majority audience, to exorsize personal demons? And are you are writer if it seems that no one is reading? I say yes, because you choose words to express yourself and work out your life view. If others choose to go on that journey with you, it's only an added dimension.
bises, V