Sunday, October 08, 2006

Dear Host to Out of Town Guest...

Let me begin by saying that overall I had a wonderful time. I stayed with you for two days and two nights. The first day was wonderful. I saw some beautiful nature, including lots of fall foliage and Niagara Falls. I even got to travel to another country for a couple of hours. I ate well and met lots of nice people. However, I felt like I had to find the good time in spite of you, especially on the second day. The second day was like a very boring lecture where you are there to focus on the professor, however the only thing getting you through it are the other students around you. So here are some general guidelines that will help you to be a better host next time you have a visitor.

1. Put out. When a cute girl is traveling to see you and you all have great chemistry in bed, then you want to get it on as much as possible. Especially when it is most likely that you will not see each other again. Don't not make out with her.

2. Don't be moody. It doesn't matter if you are in the middle of some sort of "life transformation," you have a cute girl in your home that knows no one but you...and is horny (see above). Make small talk, shoot the shit. Don't just drive in silence for an hour thinking about yourself. It's rude.

3. Don't disappear at a party. If you bring said cute girl to a football party, don't abandon her for a long period of time. Yes, she is a sociable, outgoing person who is making conversation with others, but you still can't go off with your cousin and at least not tell the cute girl that you'll be off for a while. Again, something else that's quite rude.

4. Don't act like the girl is being all clingy and full of expectations when she is SO not. Whatever issues you may have with commitment, own the fact that they are only yours. If you can't even commit to have a house guest for a weekend...a house guest that happens to be a cute girl who wants to get it on and knows for sure that you are not going to be've got major problems. Don't be distant and aloof. It's passive aggressive and annoying.

5. Have a towel and a washcloth for a guest. Especially since she had clean linens for you both nights you stayed at her house.

If you incorporate these tips into your housewarming duties, I'm sure you will become a much better host.

Thank you,
L. Britt


Kelly said...

I'm sorry that TMFB was so self-absorbed and wouldn't know Miss Manners from Jerry Mathers.

Here's to you finding that man who gets you as much as you get him and wants you as much as you want him.

The Rover said...

I don't want to be too blunt, but...I'm going to be.

He's a loser. Dump him. If he's gonna be that way when you drop your hard-earned coin to come visit him...forget about it.

Let him come after you next time.

All right, I'm getting off my soapbox now.

L. Britt said...

You're right, Rover. But that's the thing...we weren't together in any real way for me to even dump him. I went through my catharsis of him last week. I really just wanted to have a great time and he couldn't even swing that.

Yeah, I think we're done here.