Knocking the Wind Out of You

So the theme of this post is stuff that throws you for a loop. It was going to be a snapshot of things that really deserve their own posts...but I'm not in the mood to write that much. But then I got some very disturbing news and decided to change the subject. However, I still want to tell you about stuff that's been going on, so I'll try and reinterpret those events to fit within this theme.

1. I discovered that I was in love. Right after college, I had an "affair" with a man much older than me. I call it an affair...even though he wasn't married...because it wasn't quite a relationship, but it was very dramatic and passionate. There were a lot of difficult phone conversations and meeting each other in random cities. We eventually outgrew it and remain very good friends today. He called me this week and told me that his wife is pregnant. I was so happy for him, and then I started to cry. The pain was so overwhelming I had to get off the phone. Through hindsight and a conversation with a friend, I discovered that I was in love with him. I had always tossed it up to post-graduation angst, but I realized that I was indeed in love. And a part of me still thinks he is the "one that got away." No wonder the news hit me like a ton of bricks.

2. I got my tattoo on Saturday. I planned this event, so it's not as shocking, however, it ended up being a lot bigger than I originally thought it would be. I put it in a discreet, yet accessible place, but I didn't expect to enjoy the size of it as much as I do. I was going to post a picture, but I think that's blogging TMI. Trust me, it's really beautiful...even if it's three sizes bigger than my first one.

3. I had a really difficult conversation with a friend last night. It turned out wonderfully, but I shocked myself on a couple of fronts. One: I was very clear about my boundaries and expectations in the friendship. I have never done that before...with anyone. It scared the shyt out of me to be so direct about my needs, but it felt good at the same time. Two: this friend is going through a really hard time and I told her straight out that she should get help. This was shocking to me because usually I would try and be her "friend-therapist," but I knew that was not the healthiest option for either of us. I was also scared that she would resent me for the suggestion. Luckily, she didn't.

4. One of my best friends just called me and told me that one of her oldest friends, and a resident of mine when I was an RA in college, was convicted of fatally stabbing two women in February of this year. He killed his ex-girlfriend by slitting her throat, then killed her sister when she was about to walk in on the crime scene. He confessed to his fiancee and to a friend. Between the two women, six children have lost their mothers.

Now I know a rapist and a murderer. An old family friend date raped a friend of mine in high school. It was a horrible time because I had known him since I was little. Eventually, he was shipped to Texas to live with his father; the only contact I had to him was through his mother. He was killed by being a bystander in a drive-by shooting in 2001.