I woke up on this Thanksgiving morning with a true realization...I'm at peace with my family. A few years ago, when I started a long stretch of therapy, the first thing we tackled was a realistic view of my parents, how they raised me, how they interact with me now. It was ugly...many of the memories I have were warped to protect them or myself. Some of my most painful memories my mother doesn't remember, and there are others my dad remembers that I don't. I went through a lot of anger and disappointment and sadness regarding them.
But at some point, I came to peace with them...with all of it. Some of it had to do with some acknowledgement on their part of mistakes that were made. Some of it had to do with knowledge on my part on the futility of dwelling on the past. Most of it had to do with acceptance on both our parts that we are all adults now.
The result is that now I can enjoy spending time with my family. I fully accept them and the fact that they are not going to change. I acknowledge that I am in no position to judge. I also respect my boundaries and know when the visit needs to end.
It's so strange, so great to be truly thankful for all of it, all of them...warts and all.
Happy Turkey Day!
2 comments:
Sweeeeet! You are farther along than I. It is a form of insanity to hold grudges too, because, just as you say, dwelling on the past doesn't change any of it. I need to get to a point where I can actually be thankful for some of the "warts", because they provide pre-emptive learning experiences for me and my own life. Moreover, who knows all of the ways that I'm going to fall short???
El vato un poquito loquito
Congratulations on accepting where your parents are and where you are in relationship to each other. It's so hard to let go of all the crap.
I hope you had a great Thanksgiving, L. Britt!
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