Thursday, November 16, 2006

I Think I Was Duped

I think someone pulled a fast one on me. I grew up thinking that when you find "the One," "your soulmate," "the love of your life," or whatever, all issues disappear in a puff of smoke. Or a fairy godmother soaks up all your insecurities into her magic wand. Or all the animals of the forest gather together to create a trap for your inner demons and throw them into the sea.

I subscribed to this belief wholeheartedly. So when Ex called me "the One," I assumed everything was going to be okay from then on. When things ended up being the complete opposite of okay, I blinded myself to with the notion that my fairy family member must have sucked up all my fears while I wasn't looking, which explained why I felt like shit. It couldn't have been because Ex was verbally and emotionally abusive...I was his "One."

Now I see that, in fact, relationship issues do not go away at all when you begin a cool, new one. In actuality, they are likely to rear up even stronger. A positive relationship is when you're interacting with someone who wholly accepts you as you are, calls you out on your shit respectfully, and makes you want to be a better person. Yet, if you've got issues with true acceptance or perhaps if you've never had this type of relationship before, it may cause you some anxiety...even while you are relishing in such positivity.

I'm thinking I have cause for a lawsuit against Disney.


The Rover said...

While you're at it, nail them for "Song of the South".

Anonymous said...

Yeah, and for all of that subliminal sexual stuff they do.

It's pretty intense to be loved in a place where you yourself won't.

El que la nombró el Super Mango

Bright-Eyes said...

While you're at it, nail them for never having any black princesses.


Also, everyone has shit that rears up from the past in their present relationships. And almost always when things are going well. So it is normal. Just work through it without getting a case of the know, letting the past overwhelm you, and sabbotaging your current situation.
Anyway. My point is, your observations are probably more common than you realize.

I never really thought about "the one" really. My parents are definately soulmates. I just want to have what they have. I will wait for that. Much rather be alone and happy then miserable with someone.

The Rover said...

Seriously, now...

I think the key is not throwing everything on the relationship. It's not the be-all end-all, not the missing piece of the puzzle, or the answers in the back of the book.

The goal is to find someone with whom you enjoy spending your time, a person you can build your life with. You're kind of looking for a best friend...with benefits. Totally different kind of search, I think.

I love my life. If I can find someone who will enhance that life, great. If not...I'm just fine with the way things are.

Bright-Eyes said...

A-men word life yo