Thursday, January 18, 2007

New Post

I got tired of my last post being the first thing I see, so I'm changing the subject. I feel much better today, though I don't think I'm out of the woods. I got a great deal of support from friends and friend IMed me right after she read the post! That was sweet. More than anything else, I'm tired. I really can't wait until Friday night when I will go to bed early and sleep late. This is what I'm thinking about today:

1. I really want to leave my job. My life-changing experience will facilitate that, but if for some reason it doesn't work out, it's time for a different locale. I feel fortunate that at least I know I want to continue in this career path. I need to be inspired by who or what I work for. Right now, that is not happening on any front.

2. I am so grateful for The Mormon. His very presence gives me peace. I won't lie, at the very beginning, I was just grateful I was with someone I liked. But every day that goes by, every word he says and action he takes, every way he loves me...I become more grateful for him specifically. I thought dudes like him were already married. I guess it was good I got him young! Sorry! I promised The Mormon I would stop referencing our age difference, since I am the only one it seems to bother.

3. I am really taking Vaslav's words to heart. Anxiety is just the kooky way I deal with stress. I just have to manage the stress and manage the way I deal with it. I was more freaked out yesterday because I feared what the attack represented. Oh God! An anxiety attack! I'm going to get depressed and suicidal again! I'm going to have to stop working again and go back to the hospital and...You get the point. However, one doesn't necessarily mean all the others. I now get anxiety attacks. I didn't used to, but now I do. Right now, let me just take care of that. Thank you, Vaslav.

4. I've been thinking a lot about friendships lately. Angela gave me a great way to relate to the different people in my life...especially those who I feel disappointed by. Ever since, it's been easier. But I've been thinking about my good friends in relation to being in a serious relationship. 'Cuz The Mormon and I are serious. I don't really have anything definite to say, but I have been thinking about it.

5. TV writing is so the new playwriting. Almost every show I watch has some playwright employed as a writer and/or producer. Why just last night, I saw Bridget Carpenter's name as a Producer/Writer for "Friday Night Lights." It's astounding. More power to them, is what I say. Theatre is a fickle business with no self-awareness and serious delusions of grandeur, so it continually abuses its talent. If a playwright finds an artistic voice, an enthusiastic audience, and a decent paycheck working for TV, go for it!

6. I was talking to a gay friend of mine, Robert...his being gay is important, that's why he was introduced that way...about the question Angela posed on her blog. Robert actually thinks that Isiah Washington should stay because his dismissal won't change anything. When I told Robert that the show touts itself as a haven for diversity, he asked if there were any gay or lesbian lead characters. When I responded "no," he said that what Isiah really did was bust "Grey's" publicity bubble, and why punish him for calling "Grey's" out? Robert doesn't really believe there is true diversity on TV when it comes to portraying gays and lesbians. If Isiah gets fired and they replace him with a gay leading man, then that's something. He's an idiot, true...but there are plenty of idiots that we watch and love every week on TV. I don't think I agree with Robert, but he did bring up an interesting point about the definition of diversity.

7. Did I mention how tired I was?


Kelly said...

I'm glad you're feeling better than you were, L. Britt, and I'm happy that you've come to some realizations that sound very positive for the future (work change, the Mormon, handling stress and anxiety and friendship).

You have lots of people who read your blog who are thinking about you and wishing you well. Hang in there!

Quel said...

Be strong, girl.

I think Dr. Burke should make a statement, but I don't think he should apologize. If he decides to, it should be becasue he wants to. A coerced apology is worthless and if anybody is appeased by that has a problem.

beebs said...

What was this advice about people who disapoint you?

I'm glad you are feeling better and yes- anxiety are definately as much a coping mechanism as they are something to be coped with- they are the seers of our unconscious- learn to value them for that atleast.