The Mormon and I did not have a good weekend. It started out as a bad Friday night...yes, the night of my wonderful apartment debut :(...and it turned into a weekend of things unsaid and built up resentments.
I'm scared. I don't think we're breaking up or anything, but I can't rule it out: 1) because we have never fought so I have no previous experience with him, and 2) I fought all the time with Ex and that usually ended up with me or him sleeping on a couch. Ours or a friend's, depending on the severity of the fight. That fighting broke us up eventually.
I feel scared, but I also feel confident in myself. This is a first. I sorted through my feelings and thoughts and was honest. I didn't hide/subdue/deny my anger. Of course the effect of that may be that I've pissed The Mormon off and away, but if that happens we wouldn't have worked anyway. Because I really like the new voice my anger has. I like that I can articulate my pain. I know I probably still have to work on listening when I'm angry, but at least I can speak...sometimes loudly :s.
Something else about this weekend was new to me. As angry as I felt/feel, I still want the best for him. I'm angry at The Mormon and hopes he has a great day simultaneously. With Ex, I wanted him to be hit by a bus when we fought. Or I was terrified by what I had said and wanted the soonest opportunity to take it back. Today, I don't regret a thing...beside that we fought at all...and I still want to work with The Mormon to make it better. It is this dichotomy that is the oddest for me.