You know that phenomenon that new amputees speak of...the one where after an arm or leg is first cut off they still feel that limb....they can feel it itch and stuff.
I've been experiencing that all day today. You see, Ella left with my family this morning. Like I told you I would, I cried. I called TM at his family's house and rediscovered that he is not the person you invite when you want to have a pity party. Then I called Angela and got some perspective.
So now I'm feeling better, but I'm experiencing that missing limb thing. I made myself some food and kept expecting Ella to sit by me, begging for scraps with her eyes. When I took a nap to recover from my migraine, I move my legs expecting to bump into her body at the foot of my bed. I have to keep reminding myself that I don't have to leave the house to walk her for the rest of the night. It's so quiet that everytime I go in the kitchen, I look for Ella asleep in her corner. Her presence has become such a part of my presence. I'm having a hard time remembering what it was like to be in my house without her.