Sunday, April 29, 2007

Missing Limb

You know that phenomenon that new amputees speak of...the one where after an arm or leg is first cut off they still feel that limb....they can feel it itch and stuff.

I've been experiencing that all day today. You see, Ella left with my family this morning. Like I told you I would, I cried. I called TM at his family's house and rediscovered that he is not the person you invite when you want to have a pity party. Then I called Angela and got some perspective.

So now I'm feeling better, but I'm experiencing that missing limb thing. I made myself some food and kept expecting Ella to sit by me, begging for scraps with her eyes. When I took a nap to recover from my migraine, I move my legs expecting to bump into her body at the foot of my bed. I have to keep reminding myself that I don't have to leave the house to walk her for the rest of the night. It's so quiet that everytime I go in the kitchen, I look for Ella asleep in her corner. Her presence has become such a part of my presence. I'm having a hard time remembering what it was like to be in my house without her.

I'm blue.

3 comments:

m. said...

You poor thing!

Almost a year later -- and I'm still whining about how much I miss my boyfriend's dog. The dog wasn't even mine! But, I loved (LOVE!) him so!

vaslav said...

you don't have to convince me...I have been known to cry at work (more than once) after the death of my neighbor's cat (Yeats). I'm sure that Miss Ella will be fine and overjoyed to see you again. Maybe TM is preoccupied with his own emotional issues at the moment.There's always a lot of family stuff going down at a funeral.It's OK to feel blue, of course, but maybe it's a good time to appreciate all that you've done for yourself in the last year! You make us all proud, every day
I hope your trip to Wedding-ville is fantastic! Have a daquiri for me...

reasonably prudent poet said...

this is so sad. it reminds me of the time when i was young and our dog died. for months, i would wake in the morning to the sound of my stepfather's keys jingling as he went down the stairs to go to work, and for those few sleepy moments before i fully woke up, i thought it was actually elsie's collar jingling like it always used to do. that sucked. at least your little baby is still alive... right?