Thursday, April 26, 2007

More Death and Other News

So TM's grandmother died in the middle of last night; it was expected, but it's still sad. He's seems fine, but when he's anything other than totally upbeat, he folds into himself. I can tell he's trying not to cut me out completely, but I can also tell it's a struggle. I'm learning to simply let him know that I'm here for him and let him be.

I've been struggling with a slight drowning feeling this week. National traumas and those that have affected people close to me have left a mark on me as well. It's strange because I don't think I reacted this strongly when my own aunt died. Maybe I am reacting this strongly to my aunt's death. Maybe this is how I'm able to deal...pour my condolences onto others.

I have to say this is the first time that I have felt this blue and not completely freaked out that I am becoming depressed again. I think I've gotten a LOT better at reading my emotions. I also think of Angela's advice: basically, she doesn't critique her emotions when she gets down...she just listens. And does what she wants/needs to make herself feel better. I think that's what I've been doing this week.

In other news, Ella is going for an extended vacation this weekend. My parents are coming for a visit and they are taking Ella with them so I don't have to put her in a kennel while I'm in Jamaica. It's not quite real to me yet. When it does become real, I will cry. Goodness gracious, I love that dog!

The wedding is almost here! I'm so excited! I can't wait for this whole thing to be over. I've learned through this process that being a maid of honor is a BIG deal. You not only need to be a very good party planner, but also a therapist, a personal assistant, a dry shoulder, a jester, possess nerves of steel and a lot of disposable income. Because a bride is a creature all her own. I was lucky that this wedding would never be on "Bridezillas," but she definitely had her moments. I'm not going to say something stupid like, "I'll never be like that!" But I think it should be a prerequisite for all brides to be a bridesmaid at someone's internship of sorts.

I am officially running out of weekends. TM and I leave for Massachusetts in less than three months. There are certain friends who have invoked the NYC motto: "Let's get together." The problem is, I need to plan those get togethers. Because I don't have a lot of time and we have a lot to do. I keep trying to tell these certain friends this, but it's hard for them to get out the NYC mindset of complete-avoidance-of-definitive-plans- in-case-something-better-comes-along. Ah well, I plan on throwing a going away party in the summer...I guess I'll see them there.

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