It just hit me last night as I was falling asleep after a fantastic day on Fire Island...I'm scared.
I don't not want to move to Boston. I definitely want to attend Harvard. But I'm uprooting my life. As an adult, I have never lived in a city as long as I've lived in NYC. I'm very scared.
On top of all that, I'm starting a whole new life with TM. This will be our first apartment...a first step in what I hope will be the rest of our lives.
And there's so much I don't know...what if I can't hack it at Harvard? Will my NYC friendships sustain if we're in different cities? What if TM hates it there? What if I hate it there?
I have been burying myself in the details of finding boxes and showing my apartment and tying up loose ends at work so that I don't have to think about how scared I am. And I know I'm acting crazy right now because I'm so scared. So now I'm scared about alienating loved ones right when connection is most important.
At least I know my fear won't stop me from doing any of this.
Thanks for letting me say all that.