Sunday, June 17, 2007

I'm Scared

It just hit me last night as I was falling asleep after a fantastic day on Fire Island...I'm scared.

I don't not want to move to Boston. I definitely want to attend Harvard. But I'm uprooting my life. As an adult, I have never lived in a city as long as I've lived in NYC. I'm very scared.

On top of all that, I'm starting a whole new life with TM. This will be our first apartment...a first step in what I hope will be the rest of our lives.

And there's so much I don't know...what if I can't hack it at Harvard? Will my NYC friendships sustain if we're in different cities? What if TM hates it there? What if I hate it there?

I have been burying myself in the details of finding boxes and showing my apartment and tying up loose ends at work so that I don't have to think about how scared I am. And I know I'm acting crazy right now because I'm so scared. So now I'm scared about alienating loved ones right when connection is most important.

At least I know my fear won't stop me from doing any of this.

Thanks for letting me say all that.


Quel said...

Not that you're asking for advice or anything, but...

What if you have an awesome time in Boston, and everything with Harvard and TM work out fine, and your long distance friendships hold true across borders?

Focusing on those what-ifs would help your fears subside a bit I bet.

And all those what-ifs listed above are my hopes for you, by the way. :)

Kelly said...

It's totally natural that you're scared and freaking ou a little. This is a big change and change is always scary. Just keep trusting that you're exactly at the right place at the right time and focus on creating what you want and not what you don't want.

End of PBS New Age, Wayne Dyer pledge break. ;)

Hang in there, L. Britt!