So...I've begun the process of saying goodbye.
I have one week left as a New Yorker. Next week, TM and I head to Colorado for a vacation and then we're driving back to the East Coast and via a roundabout cross-country trip. Though we'll be back in Brooklyn to load up the truck, I doubt we'll even spend the night. That's why I consider these to be my last days in the city.
I know I'm not going to live in this city again. If TM and I stay together, we'll go West after I graduate. If we don't, I'll go where my career takes me...just not here. I wasn't kidding when I said I'm done with New York. I mean, I'll visit and all that...but that's about it.
TM and I had a really fun going away party a couple of weeks ago. It was there that I was able to have private moments with some wonderful people and say farewell. I also haven't had those opportunities through the actions of others. I've thought about it and, to me, those missed chances are the same as goodbye, just in a different way. Clearly, if connection can't be made at this point, then it's not going to happen in the midst of a doctorate program hundreds of miles away.
Perhaps I'm being dramatic...as I have been wont to do...but I've realized there are certain people in my life I don't expect to ever see again. This saddens and angers me a little bit. But I am reflecting on how I contributed to this expectation and choosing to focus on all the friends that have braved long film shoots, sinus infections, and last minutes changes in venue to show their love. It is Quite Appreciated.
4 comments:
I'm so excited for you as you go into this new chapter of your life.Your attitude about the people in your life is spot-on. (I'm going through a mini-version of your process with analyzing the state of one friendship in particular).
Enjoy these last few days, have a relaxing trip out West and all the best at Harvard! :)
Chere amie,
I wish you every happiness and every wonderful thing that life can offer in this new part of your life. Hugs to TM as well, and i hope that Ella will like it as well! I wouldn't totally write people off- I lived in NYc for 12 years and now out of NY for 15 - and sometime sold friends just pop up and reappear. Without the expectations that they will always be there for me, I can just enjoy them and catching. uh-oh - I'm sounding a little Zen today - must be the double espresso - or not!
You never know about NY. It always seems to pop up when you least expect it.
That said, I think that you've got pretty good instincts. It will be sad to know that another friend has left the city, but you're going on to bigger and better things, so props to you...
it sounds like, in spite of the possibility of lost relationships, that things are going wonderful for you and that's awesome. and try to remember that some people come into our lives only for a season. perhaps those severed ties are for the best and you and the other persons have gotten what was meant to be had from the relationships. kudos to you!
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