Monday, January 05, 2009

Here We Go Again

I think I know the moment it really started: I was walking home from dropping tuckergurl off at the subway Saturday morning. This incredible sadness swept over me. I went back to bed and woke up in the afternoon.

I then proceeded to spend the rest of the weekend on the couch. I tried to do work, to absolutely no avail. I was too tired to eat, too tired to cry, although the sadness had seeped into my bones. But Sunday night, I knew I needed help.

Today I called Harvard's mental health services and had an emergency appointment. The woman who saw me seemed completely overwhelmed by me...not the way to make one feel better, I must say...but she did remind me to start taking life in much smaller chunks. And she helped me admit I'm in the throes of another depressive episode.

So here we go again. I'm too "in it" to try and figure out what caused it, but I'm sure I'll come up with something. For the first time, I'm considering going on medication because I feel like I need some emotional consistency...more than I can get on my own.

Well, my day is done. Time to eat something...though I am not hungry at all!...and get some sleep.

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