Monday, January 02, 2006

New Year's Theme

I've discovered that I don't do well with resolutions. I always disappoint myself when they aren't completed. I'm much better with themes. Sort of an overarching principle that will guide my year. It has to be specific and specific to me and where I am in my life, otherwise it becomes as intangible as a resolution. For example, the year I turned thirty which is almost two years ago. Scary! my theme was to be an adult. To take responsibility for my life like an adult. That was the year I bought my apartment, negotiated a 10% raise at my old job and started my first job that had real responsibility and made me the highest salary to date. There were a bunch of smaller decisions that I made with that theme in mind, but you get the picture.

So this year, my New Year's theme is to make myself happy. To keep my happiness in the forefront of my mind, without guilt or fear or anxiety. I am learning that it doesn't make me selfish or self-centered to do that. I'm not making it first mind you...that's different. But I am moving it to the front of the picture...out from behind that guy with the big head so all you see is its right eye and part of its forehead...and maybe a piece of its cheek. It's going to be front and center, along with making sure I am full of care with other people I encounter.

I've already begun and so far the results have been positive. I'm taking piano lessons and my brain is working in a very different way as I negotiate my hands to do two different things at the same time to work together. One of the classes I'm taking this spring is a writing class that deals with illness. I'm looking forward to chronicling my struggles in a creative way. I'm all into The Artist's Way by Jane Cameron. In my morning pages, I'm learning that I do have a way with words when I don't try so hard. All of these things make me happy.

Just as last year taught tuckergurl that life is precious, it taught me that happiness is precious...that despair is closely marking my steps and if I don't care for myself, it will engulf me.

So this is the Year of My Happiness. Doesn't have the same ring as Year of the Boar...but it works for me.

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