Monday, September 18, 2006

And We're Done

Yup...just as I suspected. It's over before it's begun. I've gotten confirmation that I am "one of the most amazing people [he's] met in this life," but I don't think he's feeling it the way I am.

You know what the suckiest part is? He reminds me that I am creating this vicious cycle just by being who he is. We spoke this weekend about one's environment being a reflection of your inner self, as well as the connectedness of all things. Not in a "blame the victim" way, but in a "you control your environment" way. I know it's the truth...I've got this cynicism and doubt about my love life, all this fear that Ex has ruined me for love, so the result is my environment keeps proving me right.

And now I can't tell anymore if I really like him or I just liked the idea that a man so amazing could have been into me.

I'm just going to go to bed and start over tomorrow. My goal is to still feel good about this weekend, though the outcome may not be exactly what I had become attached to.

4 comments:

Kelly said...

I'm sorry, L. Britt. That does suck. I've been working with the ideas of intention and deliberate versus unconscious creation, so I know what you're talking about here.

What strikes me as a very positive thing to take from this is your realaization of how your thoughts and feelings are manifesting experiences. Getting that is a big key towards changing into becoming a deliberate creator.

Hang in there.

The Rover (aka K Lance) said...

You'll get there. I have full confidence.

tuckergurl said...

Sometimes people are brought into your life to teach you lessons. I know sometimes you want more but a great experience is a lot. You'll find someone. Remember, we can have the Charlie conversation whenever you need it!

Vaslav said...

Ma chere,
I also see this as a hopeful if difficult step, if only to show you that not all men are like "whoever."
Now, I'd like to hear you say "I like the idea that he could be into someone so amazing as me!"