Sunday, August 27, 2006

I'm Not Watching the Emmys

Actually I am watching it, but it's like I'm watching it with my hands over my eyes. It is embarrassing this year, painful even. It's boring and awkward and all the attempts of humor that I've seen have fallen flat. I keep trying to turn back to it, but when I do, I cringe...and put my hands over my eyes again.

For instance, I'm watching the Aaron Spelling memorial and it's just plain weird. Kate Jackson keeps looking around like she's never been on a stage before. "Wow...look at all the pretty lights!" Luckily Farrah Fawcett didn't trip up too much, but Jacklyn Smith sounds like she's making it up as she goes along.

It's like they are pumping mary jane through the air system. Everyone seems a bit wonky, you know? I think they got new writers this year and they SUCK!

I'm going to spend the rest of this evening watching a "Grey's Anatomy" repeat. Does anyone else think that the music videos...I mean the commercials...for the new season of "Grey's Anatomy" are soooo cool that you may not actually be able to wait for the season premiere Sept. 21st? Or is it just me?

P.S. I did turn back to the Emmys and just caught the "In Memoriam" section...I've always dug that section.

Saturday, August 26, 2006

The Most Realistic Scene in All of Moviedom

I just finished watching Easy, an indie film by Jane Weinstock. I rented it because it's listed on tuckergurl's Amazon Wish List, and though we don't always agree on films, I am always intrigued by her choices.

The film was pretty good. It was much better than Where the Truth Lies and better acted than Brick, two other films that I rented last night.

The most fascinating scene of the movie was when Jamie and Mick decide to be in a committed relationship. They are sitting on a couch. They just had sex for the first time that morning after courting each other for months. He says he wants a commitment, she says "let's try it" with a big smile...and it's done. They are now boyfriend and girlfriend. There was no candlelight or moon shining down on them. No violins swelled. AND it was an actual conversation, the way it often happens. It wasn't just assumed because they kissed or because they had sex. It was great!

Check out the flick. It's got a great cast and enough stuff happens that the plot moves forward and it does what indie films do so well, get inside the characters' heads.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

What a Birthday Present!

I am so happy! I just found out that the FDA has FINALLY approved over the counter sales of Plan B, or the Morning After Pill, to women 18 or older.

I am so in shock that something coming out of the Bush Administration makes a lick of common sense. Finally, the Democrats are using their power like the Republicans and getting shyt done.

Not that my love life needs this pill...Sheeeeeeet, I need a Plan A before I can use the Plan B. But I enjoy the fact that I now have the option to purchase it when I need it.

What Are You Looking At?

When I was a kid, the days leading up to my birthday were almost as wonderful as the day itself. Each day was filled with anticipation; they were special in their own rite as the "days until my birthday."

I've been thinking about that a lot this past week, since these were the "days before my 32nd birthday." There was none of that anticipation this time. Part of it stems from the fact that 32 is not that exciting a birthday. Yeah, yeah, yeah...all birthdays are special, but really, it's not that big a deal.

Another part of it stems from the timing of my birthday: this is the busiest time of the year for me at work, so I'm all wrapped up in projects and planning. I've also been really preoccupied with the anniversary of my breakdown. For some reason, I've been worried I'm going to relapse because the fall is coming. I don't really know why...I never connected my emotional problems with the time of the year...but I am now. However, two people who saw me through this time last year told me that I seem way more stable than I did then. So I'm going to believe them.

With all that, my birthday hasn't really been on the forefront of my mind. But today is the actual day, so I decided to relish in it and let the other stuff go...at least for today. As I contemplate stepping even further into my 30s, I notice something interesting. Instead of looking behind me and reviewing my life the way I have done for the past several birthdays, I'm looking into the future. I know this year is going to be filled with a great deal of change; I know because I'm the one doing the changing and I'm totally looking forward to it. It's interesting to not be reviewing or taking stock...I am really just looking forward to the new life I'm going to have.

****************
Wanna hear something cool? This morning, I told Ella it was my birthday. She wagged her tail and jumped up on my legs...what she does when she wants me to hug her. As I bent down, she licked me on my ear. I know she didn't understand what I was saying; that she was only responding to my demeanor. But I'm going to believe that she was giving me a birthday hug and kiss because it makes me happier. Tee hee.

Sunday, August 20, 2006

My Sunday Musings

It's official. Sunday is my musing day...I'm always contemplative and introspective on this day. Often I am sad/depressed on this day, but I've learned to just ride the wave.

So what am I thinking about this Sunday?
  • I'm thinking about the almost violent reaction I felt when I read that Single Ma was dating someone. I don't know this woman at all, yet I feel so connected to her because she has helped me with a huge part of my life. She wrote a post about wanting to start another blog about more personal matters, including her new beau. I don't know why, but a huge wave of jealousy rushed over me. It didn't seem like Single Ma had time to date! But, then again, I don't know anything about her life. I know this isn't the reality, but it feels like everyone has something real happening in their love life except me. You know what I want for my birthday: to fucking be at fucking peace with the fact that I am fucking alone!
  • I'm getting a 7% raise, starting in about 10 days. I did the math on what it means to my biweekly paycheck...and it doesn't mean that much. But I want to use this to revamp the way I work with my money. I'm going to start reusing a budget again in September, writing expenses down, stuff like that. September will also be the first month in a long time that I'm not catching up on late payments to my mortgage...first time I'm admitting that. Falling behind on my mortgage has really screwed with my credit score, so I'm looking forward to being back on track.
  • I have finally told people who are most important to me about my next big life project. I can't tell the blogsphere because it affects my work and I don't want someone to connect the dots from my work to this blog to me. This world is smaller than you think. I got nothing but support, however and that felt very good.
Aside: Betty White is performing on William Shatner's roast on Comedy Central and she is ROUGH and HILARIOUS! Raunchy and mean and offensive...and she gets away with it because she's in her 80s and looks so cute and sweet!
  • I went to a Boz Skaggs concert last week. It was a glimpse into the world of appropriation. Boz is a white guy that has fever for the flava! All his music is R&B/soulesque as heard through Muzak. He mumbles all his lyrics like he's skatting. And of course he had the requisite full-figured, black, back-up singers. His audience was filled with middle-aged white people who truly believe they are hip because they dig Boz' music. And they proved their hipness by squeezing their middle-aged bodies in white pants and see-through tops. Or combed out their chest hair to peek through their gawdy-colored Hawaii shirts. It was surreal. It didn't help that his opening act, James Hunter, was this white, British dude who was born 40 years too late, in the wrong country and the wrong race. Luckily, James was good at being Sam Cooke.
Another aside: Farrah Fawcett is Loca!
  • I saw Step Up this weekend with my sisters. The dancing in that movie was amazing, though the movie was filled with horr-e-ble acting and the cheeziest lines ever uttered on screen. However, something wonderful came out of that viewing...Channing Tatum. He is sooooo hot in that movie, it became difficult to watch. He got finer as the movie went along. I want to know everything about Channing. I've already found out he's been in other movies I had no intention of ever watching. However, now I have to see them because he is in them...it's that deep. It helped that his scenes were the only ones that didn't seem like an after-school special. I Heart Channing! And all you have to do is see Step Up to understand.
  • I am going to spend this weekend and all of next week going to the Judy Holliday retrospective at the Walter Reade Theatre. I saw Born Yesterday on TV a few weeks ago and fell madly in love with her. I can't wait.
  • I was all worried about what I treat myself with for my birthday. It was between a massage, new running sneakers, getting my hair cut, or paying off a credit card. I am very proud of myself that I'm not trying to do all these things. I know it's cheezy, but I really would get a thrill over paying off a credit card. I told you Single Ma influences me! I am trying not to be all work and no play, so that I don't act out. But I think my birthday present to myself will be the Judy Holliday film fest. Thoughts?
I think that's it. Gotta go to bed.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

It's Back!!!

So Dell is pretty amazing...when you have a warranty. I sent my computer to Dell on Monday and it's back in my loving arms by tonight.

I have so much I want to write about:
  • the sadness I feel about my friend hearing that her love is sick,
  • the sadness/pride/joy I feel about my other friend moving to Florida in one week to follow her dream,
  • the kooky, fun New York-style stuff I've done in the past week,
  • what it feels like to have a weight on your heart lifted,
  • the $100 I found after seeing the smelly phallic plant in Brooklyn,
  • my frustration as a maid of honor,
  • my birthday is in exactly one week,
  • all I'm thinking about, however, is the one-year anniversary of my breakdown, which is fast approaching,
  • I'm all over Idlewild. I thought it was a sign that it opened the day after my birthday, but I soon realized many a movie is opening that Friday,
  • I really like a guy that likes me as well...but not in that way.
But I just finished doing laundry for the past three hours in a very hot laundry room and I'm exhausted. I'm heading home this weekend...I'll post from there.

Friday, August 11, 2006

My Thoughts on Advertising

Told you I would have more thoughts

  • I think it's interesting that in the light of the recent Times article about the stereotypical portrayal of the "big and sassy black woman," one of IKEA's ads for their new catalog features a stereotypicial, middle class, Wonder bread, white couple surrounded by white and beige, the room, their clothes, etc. As the woman views all the colorful rugs in the catalog, she asks her husband, "Are we too white?"
  • They are marketing Little Miss Sunshine all wrong. They are saying it's just an off-beat family flick. The truth is, it is much darker...and much FUNNIER than that. The final scene had me laughing so hard I was hardcore crying. That hasn't happened to me in a movie theater in years. This movie is really for single people who are afraid of starting a family!
  • I like the GEICO gecko, but lately he's getting a little too full of himself.
  • I have never seen an episode of TNT's "Saved," even though it airs directly following one of my favorite shows: "The Closer." The reason I haven't is because I feel like the ads try way too hard to get to you to watch.
  • Both the commercial announcing the new season of Nip/Tuck and the one introducing the new LG Chocolate phone use the same song: "Strict Machine" by Goldfrapp. That is a big mistake because Nip/Tuck's commercial is SO much cooler.
  • The HP Pavilion commercials that feature Jay-Z, Pharrell and that snowboard designer are kind of phat. They make the laptops mad sexy, you know? I feel all dumpy with my boring ole' Dell.
I'm sure there will be more. I've been watch way too much TV this summer.

In Denial

There is an empty box in my office waiting for me to put something precious into it. I will have to do this insane act on Monday. And I can't face it!

My laptop's speakers are blown out and the sound card is corrupted. Also, the fan isn't cooling down my computer adequately, so that it's almost burning hot. So I have to send the computer back to the factory so they can fix the speakers, the fan, and replace the mother board.

I hope it won't be gone too long. I don't know what I am going to do without it. I think I'll be all right, but you never know...

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Being a Woman Can Give You a Headache!

Like we don't have enough to deal with...I just discovered that fluxuations in estrogen levels are one of the major causes of migraines. I have been focusing on my diet and my stress level, but now I have to keep track of my menstrual cycle as it relates to my headaches.

Jeez!

Monday, August 07, 2006

"This is the Migraine That Never Ends"

Remember that song that sung by Shari Lewis and Lamb Chop at the end of "Lamp Chop's Play-Along"?...I loved that show. LOVED it.
"This is the song that never ends
Yes, it goes on and on, my friends
Some people started singing it not knowing what it was,
And they'll continue singing it forever just because..."
Well that can also describe my head since Saturday afternoon. I got a migraine while on my way to meet my friend. And because I was on the subway, instead of getting into bed I took my medication and hoped for the best.

I think that was the beginning of the end. After I threw up in the curb of Prospect Park West and got some food...not at the same time, I thought I was better. I ended up meeting another friend in the East Village, but by the time I got home, it was back.

That night, I slept for 13 hours, with one break to walk and feed Ella. When I woke up yesterday afternoon, I could do nothing but veg out. The migraine went from a throbbing pressure in the back of my head to the 4-inch knife behind my right eye I am used to.

I woke up this morning and the pain was just as ripe. I called in sick, turned on my computer to write the post, and now I have to go back to bed.

Friday, August 04, 2006

I'm "It" Again

I like being tagged by blog memes. Usually they ask questions that make me think. Questions I would have never thought of otherwise. So thank you Kelly, for tagging me.

When did I start blogging and why?
I started blogging first in September 2004. I had just broken up with my boyfriend of a year and a half (aka Ex), but I was still living with him. I needed a place to metaphorically scream, and isn't that what the internet is for? This blog is actually my second blog. I started this one about a year later, in November 2005. Come to find out that I still had some residual trauma regarding my break-up with Ex. I figured, it helped me out the first time...why not try again? It did help, but after I was over the worst of it I kept writing. And writing. And here I am.

What don't I write about?
I try not to write about work or the people at work, at least not in any specific way. I don't write about friends unless it's in a "my friend and I went somewhere" kind of way. I try to work out my own feelings here, but if it's something that I need to say to a person directly, then I won't broadcast it. I'm working on creating more authentic relationships in my life, and that means saying things to people directly...or keeping my mouth shut until I can. It's very hard to not talk about things here because I feel so intimate with my blog, but I am learning that although posting can be difficult, it can also be the easy way out.

Am I and my blogging persona the same person?

I don't think so. I think my blogging persona is funnier than I am in person. I am also able to articulate my anger and frustration here better than I am in person. My blogging persona is bolder and more assertive than me.

How do I use blogging to build friendships?

I don't at all. That said, this blog has helped me reconnect with old friends and one of my coolest new friends I met through blogging.

How do I describe my blogging style?

I don't have a blogging style. I just write.

Okay, so now Summer and Melissa...you're it.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

I Vacationed on the Middle Finger

I got back from my mini-vacation last night. Ella and I spent a quick 48 hours at a lake house on Seneca Lake...the middle finger of the Finger Lakes...with my family. Boy, did I need it! There have been things weighing heavy on my heart and I needed to get away from them to get some perspective. It was very easy to get that perspective on the deck of a house that overlooks a beautiful lake surrounded by trees.

I was there with my dad, brother, s'mom and the people I jokingly call "my white family," whom I adore. They include my s'mom's dad, my s'mom's brother, his wife and their three children. Since my dad and s'mom have been together so long, our families know each other really well. I love introducing people to one of my blond cousins with no explanation. Good times...

One reason I love my s'mom so much is that she is so supportive without being condescending. She isn't someone who will tell me everything I do is fine, but she listens wholeheartedly and that relaxes me. When we talk, I feel like she's totally there for me and I'm all there for her. I've learned more about my dad in the last few years through her than in my entire life through him. So the first thing I did when I arrived was grab her and talked some stuff out. It was a short conversation, but it was all I needed.

Another reason why I love this part of my family is that it is perfectly acceptable to do absolutely nothing. I didn't do a damn thing; there were moments where the living room was filled with people and we were all quiet. It was good practice for me.

The trip was awesome. Ella saw a lake for the first time and went swimming...she didn't like it. She saw a donkey, a miniature horse and two real horses for the first time as well. She didn't walk on concrete for three days. Good times...

It was also the first trip where the drive was actually part of the vacation. In order to save gas, I didn't speed through the way I usually do. And in turn, I saw beautiful vistas. I went through an area in Pennsylvania called the "Endless Mountain Region." The air was so sweet and clean up there, I didn't need the A/C at all. Ella loved the feel of the air on her face. With the beauty of cruise control, I could put my feet up and just drive. There were stretches of Route 81 where there was not another car in sight. Good times!

I didn't take any pictures...though Ella was hilarious as she tried to fit all four paws on one rock to avoid getting into the water. I wanted to be in the present and not think about the future. I think I succeeded...we'll see how long the perspective lasts.